Darker Heaven

WHAT'S GOING ON; SINCE BLOG DEATH.

2009-05-06T21:14:00.003+08:00

Alot. Yes, alot. Here are some videos for you to deluge yourself in.

FAMILY VIDEOS:

Day at the Zoo.

Amazing Children of God.

SILAT CIMANDE, PUSAKA KARUHUN. SILAT SUNDA MEKAR:

Pengambilan Sijil.
Gerak Pengenalan Cimande dan Jurus.

Ganda.

Role Play - Hang Jebat.

Festival Melayu 2009.
(i was not in because of overtime)
Opening.

Pendekar Cimande.

OBSCURE PHIONIX:

Jamming Session.
Bee on the Beast.

Studio Update.

Latest Gig.
DEATH UPON ARRIVAL II.
Unhallowed/Closed Casket Requiem.

Burning Angel.
(I SEE LYNN!)

Kafan for the Young.
(I SEE LYNN AGAIN!)

END.

And with a final note. Beast still loves Zombie.

insanely yours,
Qhai Beast.
Obscure Phionix.

A WORLD OF; SONGS.

2008-12-18T14:53:00.002+08:00

I found this when i was cleaning up my room. I wrote the few of these when i was in BMT. Which was around 2 years ago. Cool shit, huh? Have i posted this? I don't know. What the heck. I'll just do it. Know why? Cause my blog's totally empty.

Song I:

TO DEATH FOR YOUR LOVE
by Qhai

Your face of many emotions melt me, unrelentless. Your eyes, your smile, everything so beautiful. Nothing will ever replace you, my darling. Forever be there. For you are the only one I'll give my darkened heart to. I'll die for your attention, trying to show you that I'm here. I'm here.

Will I wake up to know that you're beside me? A sense of completion, a sense of comfort. Will you be there?

Brought to the stars on the wings of angels. Drawing your portrait on the constellations above. Behold your beauty for everyone to see. Forever be remembered. Forever love you.

Grace me here, filling my empty soul with your ever sweet presence. Hoping for this dream to turn to reality. I am waiting for the chance now. A chance to be yours. Will you accept me for who I am, for who I cannot be? As I'm a blood drenched lover under your spell of sedated insanity.

Screams of silence fill this room of emptiness, of lonliness. A hope that I will be kept from this barless prison. Suicide be my freedom, I pull the trigger, screaming your name.

Another chance to be heard denied from me. My blood for my sins repaid by the blackest rustied knife. Now I lay here scarred and dead under the fullest moon I've been waiting for. My last breath escape.

Song II:

MY FADING PAST
by Qhai

Pain, the single feeling left in me. For those who have countlessly stabbed my back, I thank you. I distance myself from this world. This atmosphere of bad blood suffocates me. To handle those people is to only make myself vulnerable to them.

I stand alone in the crowd, missing your presence. A part of me still loves but it's all fading away. Remembered you made me feel alive before. Now you're just one of them, a stranger, nothing more. I'm just dead to you.

Hatred, runs through my veins. Demoralised, deteriorated, I give myself up. My future is dark, my hope a shaded figure. I tell myself, "to die is to be free", should I? Another cold day passes by and I have only my neverending sorrow.

To live, to burn myself. To forget, to wound my skin. To love, to hate my heart. For you (my fading past), I'll kill myself.

Song III:

BLINDFOLDED ADDICTION
by Qhai

Do you notice me? The one who cares for you. My addiction for you neverending. I'm hoping for the day you fall for me. Disorder of dreams.

Let my shattered heart mend in your hands. Let my lifeless soul breathe again. Let me be your knight stained in black. Let us be forever, forever.

I want you to be mind. Cause you are the only one that understands my melody of words. I can't be sure if you'd accept me. Loveless human.

Blindfolded, my sins push away the emotion, sins of a lifetime. As darkness consumes my future, a blasphemy of relations. You took away the cloth that impairs my eyes, opened my vision of love for you.

The light shines on you, my angel. You freed me and I thank you. I just want to hold you and look at you.

If I fail. Blindfold my eyes again, burn my skin with a lighted cigarette. Put me against a wall and fix your rifle on me. Pull the trigger. Life's to short to let you go.

END.

The songs were done on a personal note.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

VICIOUS VOLUME; DREAM COME TRUE

2008-12-15T15:05:00.002+08:00

Yes! Obscure Phionix's "Bee on the Beast" was on air yesterday. And i have it in recording. Ok. Let's stop. Cause... Blogging's just too... Boring nowadays. Yeah. I'm being secretive again for you people hate it when i get this way. Take care fucks!

insanely yours,
Qhai.

BEE ON THE BEAST MASTERED; OUT

2008-11-22T12:36:00.002+08:00

Obscure Phionix presents: Bee on the Beast. An original song by OPX. Finally the Finalized track is out. And you can hear it on MySpace. So go. NOW. www.myspace.com/obscurephionix

And don't forget. Welcome to the Slaugtherhouse Massacre 2008: Claustrophobic Institution. 27th December 2008. Come one come all. The biggest metal event of the year. For me at least. Obscure Phionix will be performing.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
The Beast Returns.

TAIWAN; TONIGHT.

2008-10-06T17:10:00.002+08:00

Yeah. Tonight will be the night. But everything is unmotivated. Like i am right now. I don't want to leave Singapore, but i have to. There's too many things to say, so i won't say yet.

But there's one thing i really want to say...

I LOVE ZEE.
Seriously.

So, goodbye. Let me go, and i'll come back soon.

And Zee, i'll be back to go out with you again.

insanely yours,
Qhai Beast.

AIDILFITRI 2008; OVERSEAS AGAIN.

2008-09-30T11:14:00.002+08:00

Sixth day of Raya a.k.a. 6th October. I'm going overseas for SIX WEEKS. Yes, so i will not see you people until 17th November. Yeah. So i bid you all farewell. And see you soon.

For all my muslim friends: Bandmates, Beasties, Medics, Scenemates...and the rest.
Maafkan aku kalau aku ada tersilap salah.

And, medics, remember our shisha night. 4th October. 9pm onwards.

I miss Zee. I hope 5th October comes by soon cause i'm going to meet her then.

Plus i'm happy for OPX's unmastered demo released on MySpace with positive comments. Thanks all for commenting.

There's alot of things that i'm going to miss out. Atreyu in Singapore, Motley Crue in Singapore. A hell lot of gigs. But sure as it is - Welcome to the Slaughterhouse Massacre 2008's going to be the shit.

So. I'll be flying off on the 6th. Coming back on the 17th of November. I'm going to enjoy myself until i'm there.

Oye. I'll miss my everyone.

AND TO YOU WHO'S READING THIS NOW.

WE.
ARE.
TRACKING.
YOU.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.
Obscure Phionix.

ADDICTED; TAPPING.

2008-09-15T22:03:00.002+08:00

Yeah. I'm addicted to songs with guitar tapping progressions. It's fucking cool. I love to tap whenever i'm able too. On OPX's first song, Suffering In The Hands Of A Psychopath, my solo included tapping. On our cover of Arch Enemy's Dead Eyes See No Future, i tap on the bridge part. I just love it. The sounds of natural guitar hammering and release it like a pitch of angel's harp. Hahaha. I don't know what i'm talking about.

That's why i love Protest The Hero's songs. Progressive, odd and random progressions. Great stuff. Their new album, Fortress, is great. I feel in love with Sequoia Throne straight away, with it's tapping intro.

Hah. Turn to another topic. I heard that Slaughterhouse Massacre Team is planning to release the tickets by Wednesday. And we're going to sell it like mad. My anticipated gig of the year.

So, i leave you with this video clip of Protest The Hero's Sequoia Throne off their album, Fortress.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

THE BEAUTY OF; METAL.

2008-09-13T17:05:00.003+08:00

I just finished watching Metal: A Headbanger's Journey for the 5th time. And yeah, it inspires. Being a "devotee" of metal, the documentary film speaks to those non-metal believers. We are who we are, and you can't stop us. Being so much as an outsider since, i could say primary school times. Metal is a release of emotions and senses.

Metal brings us metalheads together. It binds us in one true form, and at the same time, it gives us the chance to be individuals. Each and every one of us having a different view on metal, but unite as one. It makes it alright to make that Devil's Horns hand gesture and to say "fuck" more than anyone else in one sentence. Metal is our freedom. All those who haven't embraced it, maybe losing out, and it's okay to lose out.

Taken from "Metal: A Headbanger's Journey".

Sam Dunn said: "So here we are, 35 years after Black Sabbath first played the Devil's Note, and metal culture is still thriving. A new generation of fans has emerged, and the old guard is going strong. But I set out on this journey to answer one question: Why has heavy metal been consistently stereotyped, dismissed and condemned? And what's become clear to me, is that metal confronts what we rather ignore, it celebrates what we often deny, it indulges what we fear most. And that's why metal will be a culture of outsiders."

Fuck yeah.

The best part for me in the whole film, is the Metal Tree. Yeah.

Enlarge these to see better.

Rolling Stone's Metal Family Tree

A Simplified Version

The tree stops at New Wave Of American Metal. I'm no genealogist but i know that after that will come sub-genres that may include bands like All Shall Perish, early Job For A Cowboy, Divine Heresy, Bring Me The Horizon, As Blood Runs Black, The Acacia Strain, Carnifex and more that is classified under Deathcore. Maybe also Rapcore, Screamo, Post-Hardcore, Viking Metal could be added. But it will sure take a damn long time to compile. And i would also add some of my favourite bands under the Progressive Metal list such as Protest The Hero, X-Japan and Necrophagist. But to tell you the truth all these classifying of which band is under which sub-genre has a pretty fine line. Cause all bands will play what might sound like the other, we all might play the same notes, in a different way which makes us unique. As they said, we all play the "Devil's Note".

A mixture of Guttural Gore, Squeals, Screams, Death Growls, Guitar Screeches, Bass Running, Double Bass Pedals and more into one song makes it generally metal. And that's what i'm proud of.

People can't copy what metal is but there are always those who ruin it. Take for example, in Singapore, where the underground metal scene is being flooded who uses it for fame and getting the opposite sex to like you. Those "posers" as we call them influence new kids who are really into metal to become posers themselves. In the end, we all die. But i, and neither the whole Slaughterhouse Massacre team, is not allowing that by making the self-organised anticipated metal gig, Welcome to the Slaughterhouse Massacre, an annual ritual.

My roots of metal came when i was really young. When i was taken care of by my Mak, when Cik Dani introduced me to or rather made me like Metallica. Haha. Yeah. I loved the evil sounds of the songs. Especially the part where a child sang in Enter Sandman. It's intriguing and mesmerizing. Cool. Years after that, i have Obscure Phionix and Death By Clowns. And my influences expand. Metal: my language of freedom, self-expression, power and motivation. That's who i am and you can't stop me.

And Sam Dunn also said: "...you either feel it or you don't. If metal doesn't give you that overwhelming surge of power, and make the hair stand up on the back of your neck, you might never get it. And you know what? That's okay. Because judging by the 40,000 metalheads around me, we're doing just fine without you."

And we are fine without you who are not metal.

So i conclude in my view that Metal is the most powerful form of music and culture out there. Even though people tie metal up with Satanism, suicide and what not. It still moves and the power is great.

I am part of Metal and forever will be. Cause after that first show, it builds up as an addiction. And after being called Singapore's Arch Enemy, Obscure Phionix, ever humble, because we will never be like Arch Enemy, will continue to entertain you.

insanely yours,
Qhai Beast.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.
A Metal Fan.
A Metalhead.
A Devotee of Metal.

I SERIOUSLY LOVE; MY BEASTIES.

2008-09-13T09:36:00.003+08:00

Seriously. I got nothing to write as heading. But i will tell you one thing. I miss alot of people i love.

I miss;
Ruz. Zee. Has. Nad. Niq. Brutus. Nana. Nysrock. Ninie.
and more...?

Ruz texted me the other day, "Hey beastie. Sori for being dead. I was so caught up with school. Hope u understand."
Of course i do, Ruz Darling. Miss you and love you. It's just great to have you as my beastie 2 years running.

Obscure Phionix is ready to promote. Promote WELCOME TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE MASSACRE 2008: CLAUSTROPHOBIC INSTITUTION. What a mouthful. Time to advertise is now. The long awaited gig of the year. For us, of course. I don't know about what you guys think but for me, it's the best damned thing to be happening this year.

SHM Acts: Draconis Infernum, Death Defyerz, Demise, Elegy For Eulisza, Every Rage I Seek, Helmskey, Obscure Phionix, Shadows Embrace, Vulgate Dogmas, Mephisto, Nafrat.

Ok. Can't wait to BRUISE.

Oh, i still owe Hassy sunflowers. I promised and will deliver. (:

I tell you, BEASTIES. Please do call me if you'd like. I'm here for you all 24/7. And you should know that. Right? I'll be waiting.

IT WON'T BE LONG.
WE'LL MEET AGAIN.
YOUR MEMORY IS NEVER PASSING.
IT WON'T BE LONG.
WE'LL MEET AGAIN.
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS NEVER ENDING.
SEEK ME.
CALL ME.
I'LL BE WAITING...

insanely yours,
Qhai Beast.

PHONE; CUT.

2008-09-04T21:15:00.001+08:00

My phone's down. Can't call out. Can't send messages. Anything CALL me.

insanely yours,
Qhai Migraine.

THESE EYES; ARE BLIND.

2008-08-30T11:46:00.003+08:00

These eyes are blind to several hundred left behind
(Lest we forget again)
But the border is breached but not broken
Who tries to find the several hundred left behind,
When the border is breached but not broken?

Life, washes me away in the tides. I'm tired of work. I'm tired in my slavery in this fucking Army. Fuck that. Tired, i'm tired of being sick. Everytime i go out for covers i get sick. And i'm sick now. Thanks. Love, love is a blind fuckshit that takes away the most genuine emotion - passion. I'm telling the truth. And YOU all know it. I've gone to the worst parts of life and back. Being laid down like cold carcass into a coffin covered in dried crimson blood.

We have nothing but our life to live. Death is certain. Only when we go is a mystery. Sometimes i just want to sit down at the wavebreaker at the beach and enjoy the wind. Sitting for hours. Without anything else or anyone else, but an acoustic guitar in my hands. Playing the same songs over and over again.

Someone "kinda" thinks she wants me back. She's confused. I think. You can call me whenever you want by the way. We're still friends. But you, you're in love with everyone.

I still owe Hassy a sunflower. I promised to meet Nad for buka. And Ninie asked me to go bowling with her. Yeah. Ok. Let's go.

"When this world's insincere.
I try to survive by being safe by my own judgement.
Wounded hearts.
No one understands."

insanely yours,
Qhai Psycho.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.

CANCEL OUT; HEART THAT BROKE ME.

2008-08-26T00:15:00.002+08:00

Today's not bad. Completed my solo for "Bee on the Beast". And we're going recording tomorrow. Wooo...! Long-lost mate, Adriana, contacted me. Long time since i met her. Jyeah(?). And met Ninie for a movie.

I've been broken by the heart that i thought loved me back. Well, NOT. Thanks to you, i stand alone. But strong and determined to walk the path i set my eyes on. So fuck it, i'm going to the top and not bringing you along for the ride. Friends we are but just mutual. So don't cry over what i write in here. Cry over the fact that i may be the most genuine love you could have, and you lost that.

SLAUGHTERHOUSE MASSACRE 2008 IS COMING. And, yes, we're up for a bruising. We'll go home with our bodies in blues and blacks under bandages of blood. All out terror.

You can fuck off now.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
IMMORTALIS ZOMBEAST DEATHDIVINE.
Obscure Phionix.
Death By Clowns.

EVERYNIGHT; WILL BE THE NIGHT I FALL FOR YOU.

2008-08-21T18:29:00.002+08:00

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
'Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

Ean. That's for you. Thanks for having me in your life, your heart, and your mind always. Tonight and every night are the nights that i'll look at your photograph and fall for you over and over again. I'm waiting for the day you come back to this sunny island. The island i will always be in and call home. This is the place i'll be waiting for you. Love you always, you'll always be my baby. 'Cause a girl like you is impossible to find.

insanely yours forever,
Qhai.

WEARY HEART; INSINCERE.

2008-08-20T22:30:00.004+08:00

THE WORLD'S INSINCERE

Fantasy of a new face comes in my life,
And I would think that she’s the one,
When my heart in pieces,
She’ll make it all right.

My thoughts are fuckin’ with my head again,
The worst would have just happened,
For all the trust that I have put in,
Drowned away.

With a drop of tear you fade away,
I was blinded by the masquerade,
A weary heart and an empty soul,
The World’s insincere.

So I stand alone in darkness,
Should I hang myself by a branch?
Or maybe I should stab my heart,
On my own?

With a drop of tear you fade away,
I was blinded by the masquerade,
A weary heart and an empty soul,
The World’s insincere.

Just leave when I mean nothing to you,
‘Cause we are divided towards different roads,
And when the other have got your love,
Let’s make it work, part our ways.

With a drop of tear you fade away,
I was blinded by the masquerade,
A weary heart and an empty soul,
The World’s insincere.
With no fuckin’ sense being critical,
Being scared you’ll fall away from me,
Running towards your own fuckin’ destiny,
This weary heart’s become insincere.

Wipe you eyes from your cries,
With my heart in your cold hands,
You’ll kill me by your knife,
Run away and leave me here,
To die alone,
Your heart is insincere,
Just leave me here,
Fucked.

END.

Another song by me. Yeah. Let's go get it on.

I'm going into more alternative music. Example: Maroon 5, Rivermaya, Oasis, Staind... Something a little slower. For the medics. But my soul belongs to metal. Right on, dirt on the ground, head bashing, fuckin' awesome metal.

Bless the heart that's breaking me.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
IMMORTALIS ZOMBEAST DEATHDIVINE returns.

THE ORGANISING CREW; A NIGHT OUT.

2008-08-17T23:58:00.004+08:00

Just came back home from a day out. Was supposed to go to Art Friend but didn't. So maybe next time.

I proceeded to Man's place beforehand so that Obscure Phionix would be able to go together. A plus is that Man's driving. Yeah. So we headed straight to City Hall from his place. As soon as we reached the Parliament House, it started to get cloudy. Elegy For Eulisza came just before the showers and as soon as the rain fell, we were running intro The Adelphi. So, we changed our meeting spot to Funan's McDonald's. And Elegy For Eulisza had to go before the rest could be there.

First to arrive was Every Rage I Seek, followed by Shadows Embrace. After which Vulgate Dogmas and Helmskey. Absent were Death Defyerz and Demise. Plus, of course, non-organising committee - Draconis Infernum, Mephisto and Nafrat. It was a good meeting and we had fun night. From City Hall to Tanjong Pagar Railway Station to International Plaza to Marina South Pier to Outram Park to Chong Pang and to Boon Lay. Yeah. Car.

And what am i talking about pray tell?

THIS:

WELCOME TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE MASSACRE (II/2008): CLAUSTROPHOBIC INSTITUTION.

Click for a bigger preview eh. Beware of brain damage.

Tell you what. I MISS EAN. Yes i do. I want to talk to her. I want to meet her. But it's hard. Oh well, i'll see her soon. I'll swear on that. It won't be long, we'll meet again.

BABY, CALL ME PLEASE.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.

WORDS; TURN TO NON-BELIEF.

2008-08-17T13:20:00.003+08:00

It's something to be backstabbed so many times that you don't give a shit anymore. Now i realise that maybe the words "trust" and "love" are words that i cannot believe in. So many things have hit me right in the chest. And Obscure Phionix maybe my only salvation. Is being to nice to people making them think that i can be used? FUCK YOU. I'm being nice so that you won't the that black side of me.

It's so fucking irritating. News, words, gossips, statements fly everywhere like there's no tomorrow. NOW YOU TELL ME, WHO I SHOULD BELIEVE? It's confusing. Come on now, don't stop. Let's make it worse 'til i don't give a fucking shit about anyone anymore. EVEN YOU.

Sorry you had to read that. I have issues. Thanks to most of my ex-girlfriends.

Reality is as reality does. And it comes with a fucking bow with infinite arrows that shoot you at the back.

Maybe if i beg i'd get Angela Gossow to make me her boytoy.

Will be going out with Man, Meow and, maybe, Risky Riskin later. I'm going to buy two masks at Art Friend and some Acrylic Paint to for third obsession. Masks. I would want to make a good one for this year's big gig.

I've having a hard time getting this song out of my head.
Songs of depression in my head.
Thanks to Razif wanting to play this song for the Acoustics.
And to Ean.

MAROON 5 - HARDER TO BREATHE.

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I'm walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
is there anyone out there cuz its gettin harder and harder to breathe

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.

THESE ARE THE SENTIMENTS OF A COLD-BLOODED CYNIC,
SO BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE.
DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.
I WOULD RATHER SEE YOUR FACE IN HELL,
THAN SPEAK ANOTHER WORD OF THIS PERFECT WORLD.
OH, TO BE BURIED BENEATH THE WAVES,
A SAILOR GRAVE IS WHAT I CRAVE.
5000 FATHOMS DEEP,
AND LEAVE MY BONES,
TO THE DEPTHS.
THERE'S BLOOD IN THE WATER...

TWO HUNDRED FIFTY FIRST; POSTED.

2008-08-13T22:29:00.002+08:00

251 posts. Yeah. Yay. Whatever.

I ran through some old friends in my friendster list. And i suddenly start to realise how much i fucking miss my ITE days. Days of our Mass LAN Gaming, days of cluster-fucking in the Live Band room, days of SLEEPING in the Live Band room and nights where Obscure Phionix used to jam whilst the floorball team is having practices and/or matches. Actually, i bumped into Miss Tif's friendster profile. Our IT2P (2005-2006, i guess, LOL) Class Advisor, Miss Tiffany Ho. Yeah. Saw her profile and actually scanned through her pictures. One of our ex-schoolmates got married and, the best part is, she still keeps OUR class photo. Cool shit.

Names i DO remember - Khair a.k.a. BRUTUS, Man, Fiz, Yazid, Zarie, Faizal, Faris, JJ, Serene, Maryama, Mard, Aishah, Djas, Ajid, Fir, Basli, Vishnu, Dzul, Omar, Nadya...and now my memory's fading. Fuck. NS just erases everything. Haha.

I'm itching for a moshing/hardcore dancing. Long time since i went to a gig. Last was June. I think. Just waiting for the moment of a great gig uprising. Hahaha.

I think i'm sick. My body temperature is like...feverish mode right now. Fucking hell.

Let me rest before the storm. Let's go.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.
Obscure Phionix.
Death By Clowns.
Insane Asshole.
Half-Fucked Medic.

I LOVE THIS; LYRICIST.

2008-08-10T18:31:00.003+08:00

FORSAKEN FAITH

How could it end this way?
A web of lies collapses with your warm embrace
The shadows of my past engulf my every being
And as i'm given new life
(with infinite possibilities)

I'm drowning in my insanity
Slowly giving way
In my last attempt to breathe
A damnation of faith

I have sealed my fate
I feel the thirst of blood burning in my veins
I fear nothing but the light
Will you set me free?
(will you cry for me?)

I stretch out to the crimson life
Awaiting me
In my vivid memory
Your face of beauty
As i rise
Fear begins to strike me
And i hunger
For a beating heart
My heart turned black

Will you kiss me?
Will you kiss me?
Will you kiss me?
Will you?
Will you?

I'm drowning in my insanity
Slowly giving way
In my last attempt to breathe
A damnation of faith
I'm drowning in my insanity
Slowly giving way
In my last attempt to breathe
A damnation of faith

I love this. (:
Wrote it myself.

I'm like lost. I don't know what to type. Yaaaaaaaaaaa!

OPX has recording next week to finish up. One song to put up in MySpace, PureVolume, and Audio Reload? We'll see.

I WANT TO FINISH MY NATIONAL SLAVERY. December 5th babe! Woohoo! But before that i will be going to Taiwan from October 6th to November 17th. Yeah.

I want to play at gigs. GIGS, GIGS, GIGS! That's what i want. I want to perform. Let's do it. Obscure Phionix, Death By Clowns and the medics band. Wahahahaha. Acoustic shit. I need my passion to be thumping through my heart.

This is for you. ;)

Yeah, i have no idea what to BLOG anymore.

Awesome song.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.

SQUUUUUEAAALLLL; RECORDED.

2008-08-10T12:07:00.002+08:00

Went for recording last night. Fuck, i messed up my solo. Took longer than i thought it would. But it was great. Meow didn't get to record her vocals cause she forgot to bring along her lyrics. So, too bad. Didn't get a chance. The engineers were waiting eagerly to listen to her vocals. Wahahahaha.

Didn't get to hang out with the metalheads last night. Kinda miss them. Next week there's a meeting going to be held! Woohoo! Cool shits. Long time didn't really talk to my carnalitos. Gonna to that soon.

Well...i don't know what to blog about, really.
Oh. I miss my BABYGIRL.

Oye, i'll see you all again, mi familia.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.

UNITED AS ONE; MEMOIRS.

2008-07-19T09:34:00.003+08:00

That's the best time of our lives. For more... here's the link. (http://www.friendster.com/viewphotos.php?a=811171424&uid=11640205). Yep. So...just came back from hanging out with the guys. Long time since i came back damned late. Yeah... Whatever. I'm fucked. So, bad blog post. Yay. Bye.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.

MEDIC'S NIGHT OUT; BEST OF MY LIFE.

2008-07-12T03:31:00.002+08:00

Just came back home. From a long night. I was thinking of not going. But, i'm glad that i did. The Medical Center had some cohesion today. And i truly enjoyed it. First we were at Singapore Flyer's Popeye, eating some of the biggest pieces of chicken that i've ever had. And the damned mashed potato's gravy was the shiiiiit. Nice man. We got to meet back with Jason and Hafiz, who had already ORDed. The fun didn't stop. We had our meals and went outside to have a group picture. Too bad the girls who some of the medics brought didn't join in. We then proceeded towards Marina Square cause the doctors wanted to have Starbucks. After which we separated ways and the Chaos Medics went for shisha over at Bussorah Street. Fadli treated us to 4 flavours. Banana Mint (LOL), Cherry, Apricot and Watermelon. We sat down on the floor among the carpets that Shakeer's father issued, yeah, it's an inside joke. Medics who were there for shisha were Irfaan and his girl, Shakeer, Kenneth, Hosni and his girl, Razif and his girl, Syafiq, Fadli, Izzat, Jufri, Syed, Talib, Max and myself. We were laughing, talking cock and sharing cover stories. It was great man. We reached there at about 2330hrs and stayed til 0230hrs. Woah. Haha. It was awesome. Kenneth then took Izzat and myself home. Escorted by Jufri and Fadli. Convoy man. Convoy.

Now here i am. Infront of the laptop. Typing away, not sleepy at all. Maybe it's cos of all that shisha? Haha. Who knows? THANKS MEDICS FOR THE NIGHT. TOTALLY AWESOMENESS. A night we shall have to repeat.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

RISE OF; IMMORTALIS ZOMBEAST DEATHDIVINE.

2008-07-10T20:29:00.002+08:00

There used to be alot of names for me. (1) Beast, (2) Zombeast, (3) Deathdivine, (4) Obscura. Now let's all take that into consideration. It's now Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine. A mixture of immortality for the re-rise of Obscure Phionix. Yay. For you fucking information, i'm BULLSHITTING HERE.

Anyway, ever since i put up the picture of Niq, Ruz and myself, already more than 70 people have viewed. And that's a hell lot more than my normal quota. Unless there's a gig post or something. TELL ME WHY? Fucking dudes out there, those two are the few loves of my life. YOU WANT TO FUCKING TOUCH THEM YOU'LL HAVE TO COME THROUGH ME. That goes for my Medical Center dudes too. Haha.

I'm deprived. Yay.

I passing through NS like smoke man. No one even knows when i'm not there or there. That's so fucking awesome. :D. No one will have to search for me, disturb me or whatever fuck maaaannnn. Prepare for awesomeness. But still, i have fucking field camps to fucking cover.

And another thing. Someone said to me, "you're too attached to the scene." That person is right. I'm so attached to the scene that i won't give a fuck of whose texting me while i'm out with the mates. I'll usually text them back at the end of it all. So if it's a Saturday, or a Sunday, or a Gigday, get ready to receive a reply at approximately 1am in the morning. Cause i, DON'T GIVE A FUCK.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.
Revival of Obscure Phionix.

"twisted, wretched man from the utmost darks of Hell. that's me."

TEARS; OF FRIENDSHIP.

2008-07-06T21:10:00.002+08:00

It's really been a long time you know. Since i met you. It's been bugging me for ages. And it came. I spent time with you again. Great isn't it, wouldn't you agree? Just like the time during my party, i had so much fun when Ruz and Niq are at the same place with me. I just simply can't live without my friends.

And just now, i bumped into a person that i never thought i'd meet again. Shah. Yes, OPX's ex-drummer. I saw him along with Ambivalence. I went to him, shook his hand and gave him a damned brotherly hug. I'll say it again, God knows how much i love him. It's been too long. I almost teared. The truth. I did.

Fuck... Mates are life.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

DAWN OF THE NEW FIRE; WORKS.

2008-07-06T11:39:00.002+08:00

Early in the morning i woke up just to get to the jam studio over at Beats Merchant for a session with beloved Obscure Phionix. 10AM. Crazy passion makes me to crazy things. After which we had lunch at Beach Road. Then went to Far East to visit Inokii. You must think how much we spent on MRT fare. None. Man drove. Hahahaha. Easier to get around.

Among all that, later in the evening met Nysrock for the fireworks show. This year's fireworks are cool. But the amount of fucking mats and minahs there were overwhelming me. So, Nys and i decided to keep our distance. Met a few familiar faces along the way. Last night we got back early. Nys cause he had to help his Alyssa to close shop and i had to pick up my siblings. All in all. Great day.

Anyway, i'm searching for a bassist to play shit like Arch Enemy and The Black Dahlia Murder. Any fucker out there interested?

WARNING: This blog is rated R21. Why? Cause look who's 21. Me, fucktard.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Obscure Phionix.
psychoRock.

BREE BREE; UPDATE.

2008-07-03T22:58:00.004+08:00

I'd still remember the time when my cousins (Father's side) were still young and we'd listen and sing to the Backstreet Boys and/or The Moffatts. And we still remember the words today. But, what happened to all of us were going one-way. To a life filled with music. We cousins have rap, break dance, drums playing, guitar and bass playing, singing, screaming and goring to our list of musical talents.

What i want are bands. Acoustic, hardcore and metal. Dreams come. I told my good friends from Hong Kah Secondary that i'd become a rocker and i did. I played in the scene. I performed for hundreds. And it felt great achieving this.

I'm left with 5 months, give or take, of National Slavery. After which i can concentrate with alot of shit in my life. NS is really holding me down. Giving me continuous field camps at the expense of nothing. No offs. Fuck. I'm gonna fuck off. Fuck off until no one notices i'm there. And even if i'm there, no one fucking cares. So suck my bloody balls National Slavery. I'm going to ORD.

Obscure Phionix is going recording. Let's go. The world will be our fucking stage.

These random thoughts...ARE FUCKING WITH MY HEAD.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Obscure Phionix.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.

WILL BE LEAVING; ON A JET PLANE.

2008-05-04T10:30:00.003+08:00

Yeah. I'm going overseas. For 3 weeks. So...Yeah. I'm not sure what i'll expect there. But i promise everyone that i'll try my best to e-mail. Not confident about how but i will. And plus i hope my auto-roaming is on.

I've been fucked stressed about work, being arrowed to go to field camps and everything but, hey, that's NS. The fucked up way of life. Simply put it, i just hate NS.

To all: I'M GONNA MISS YOU. NO JOKE.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

REMINISCE THAT; THE HISTORY OF.

2008-03-30T11:26:00.004+08:00

Yeah, i miss the times.

I looked back into the computer and saw all the damned pictures of Obscure Phionix's jamming, outings and gigs. The smiles, the craziness and the all-out fun. Where have that gone? Where did everyone go? The gone: Yazid, Hafiz, Shah, Qader... We had our differences. But what the hell happen to the relationship we had? Were we too stuck up? Or were we just naive? Meow, Man and myself are already content on what we had. And it was a big decision of us, especially me - since i initiated it, to disband. As of 2008, OPX would be together for THREE YEARS. But counting the "brotherhood" of Meow, Man and myself - as of 2008, it would be FOUR YEARS RUNNING. The rest just slipped away and gone. I miss the times we, as a band, would hang out together. I miss the lame jokes and all out craziness. I miss the feeling that whatever stupid shit we did in public we did are not to be embarrassed about. Now that's something that you won't see me feeling anymore. With them, it was insanity.

NS stabbed us in the back, poisoned us and brought on a slow but sure death. Brought on a fury that only we could describe as "OPX's Era of Hell". We had less time, we had to bend our schedules and we had nowhere to go. Our greatest achievement for 2007 was Welcome to the Slaughterhouse Massacre gig - which also turned our to be our saddest moment. The announcing of Obscure Phionix's disbandment.

I remember it.
THE OBSCURE PHIONIX CHAPTERS
Chapter I: The Forming (2005-2006). "The Yazid Era". Hafiz joins the band after the breaking of Zero Point One (Zero.One), which was - Man, Meow, Yazid, Mat and myself. This chapter includes our first gig - Singapore Street Festival 2005. A count of six gigs.
Chapter II: The Search (1st Quarter 2006-2nd Quarter 2006). "The Start of Melodic Era". Yazid quit the band due to our path taken to turn to a more melodic sound - particularly at that time - Arch Enemy. Shah auditioned and nailed it. In which we got to explore new sounds in the general metal genre. Three months of practice until we reached our hopes of performing. Gig count - ZERO.
Chapter III: The Rising (2nd Quarter 2006-Late 2006). "The I.J. Era". Shah's skills initiated our rising in the scene with Sessions!05. This was when I.J. Studios was still hot and we had gigs to go to almost every week. There was also GasHaus and Substation. Reflected in OPX's portfolio will be the co-organising/organising of Punkrock VS Metal and Aggression Please! gigs respectively and a count of ten gigs since March 2006.
Chapter IV: The Downfall (Late 2006-2008). "The Hell Era". Before joining the army we performed the worst set ever imagined at GasHaus. Hafiz quit the band to concentrate on the army and his family. Qader joined the band and we were kicking by June 2007 for Singapore Street Festival 2007: Children of the Revolut'n. But two weeks before Tuesday Night Fever, Shah quit the band. Which then led to the session by Ghalid of Prince Isobelle. Ghalid continued with us until our organised event, Welcome to the Slaughterhouse Massacre. Along the way, Man booted Qader because of personal reasons and got Hazlan of Sounds Of Saviour to session of us for Slaughterhouse. Come Welcome to the Slaughterhouse Massacre, after our set, the announcement of the disbandment of Obscure Phionix by me. For myself, Welcome to the Slaughterhouse Massacre was the footnote of the start of all The Arts House and metal performances since January 2008. Adding to the portfolio, the organising of Welcome to the Slaughterhouse Massacre, the making of one original and a count of four gigs.
Chapter V: The Aftermath (2008-?). "The Three Core Phionix Era". Meow, Man, Hazlan and myself continue using the Obscure Phionix name to jam for fun, if not, we'd seriously lose our skills in a period of two weeks. We also at the moment help rising drummers to smoothen their skills.

Not forgetting the help of our friends: Sounds Of Saviour, Shadows Embrace, Mulysa, Every Rage I Seek!, Vulgate Dogmas and lots more since The Rising.

Since then Yazid has been in and out of bands, Hafiz is frontman of his own band - Amusement Drive, Shah is lost and Qader is contactable and seen at some gigs i go to.

Recuperating from the fall is what i'm doing. But i'm still rocking out. I spent to much money on this.

Nickelback - Photograph

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
how did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey’s head?

This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneakin’ out

This is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must’ve done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it’s too late
Should I go back and try to graduate?
Life’s better now than it was back then
If I was them, I wouldn’t let me in
Oh oh oh
Oh god I, I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Goodbye

Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops see us hanging out
They said somebody went and burned it down

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we’d find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel

Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She’s had a couple of kids since then
I haven’t seen her since God knows when
Oh oh oh
Oh god I, I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on the bedroom floor
It’s hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

I miss that town
You can't replace it
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it

If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me...

For you guys who want to play this song the chords are a repetitive D - A - C - G. All the way. Listen to the song to get the strumming right.

A song for me. For what i want to be and do. Haha.

Nickelback - Rockstar

I'm through with standing in line
To clubs we'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
And I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be

(Tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house
On an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
For ten plus me

(So what you need?)

I'll need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet

(Been there, done that)

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me

(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'll even cut my hair and change my name

[Chorus:]
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I'll have the quesadilla, ha ha)
I'm gonna dress my ass
With the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
Blow my money for me
(So how you gonna do it?)
I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'll even cut my hair and change my name

[Chorus:]
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair

[Chorus]

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I'm gonna sing those songs
That offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills from a pez dispenser

I'll get washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip sing em every night so I don't get 'em wrong

[Chorus:]
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair

[Chorus]

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar,Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar...

Actually, i just want the "rockstar" part. Haha. And the "playboy bunny" part.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Ex-Obscure Phionix.

I WANT TO COME HOME; BORED.

2008-03-13T18:36:00.002+08:00

Yeah, sorry for not updating in so long. I never thought anyone except my BELOVED will read this.

So, i just came back from KL. Very fun trip up north. Enjoyed my time there and got me TWO new pairs of shoes from Quicksilver. Shoes are my addiction. The guys had a great time pulling off pranks and jokes while shopping. Wasted we didn't catch anything on camera. Damn.

So when i got back to Singapore, i had chill symptoms. Fever, flu, cough, the works. But still have to continue this damned NS.

Well, goodbye for now.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

"The last thing i want is for us to die, Phionix."

VALENTINE'S PRISON; OVERKILL.

2008-02-14T18:18:00.003+08:00

Yet again, i'm working overnight. And during Valentine's. I have messages for some people.

First:

Dearest Nurdarina,
I know that it has been tough that you and i only can meet at unpredictable times, and only for a few hours due to your curfew. But i treat those few hours like diamonds in the rough. I treasure those moments and i love you more knowing the fact that you're sacrificing time for me. It's been two months baby, and it's getting better. I love you so much. And i definitely miss you. Forever my baby, forever.

Second:

Loved Beasties,
To Ruz, i know you're redoing your 'O' Levels. And i hope you will make it this time. I know you've been banned doing lots of stuff. I just want to say i miss you like shit okay. You've been there for me ever since end of 2006, and you know my ups and downs. You are a true beastie.
To Zee, you are like my little sister. Do you know that? Haha. You are the one that keeps me glued to the scene and getting me more connections with the people in the scene. Hopefully, we'll be able to hang out again.

Third:

To the rest (especially Palace Ravers),
It wouldn't be the same without each and everyone of you. You make my life entertaining it's no wonder i'm so insane. The scene's changed me, the people changed me and i love you all like fuck.

I'm no good with words so sue me. Bon Jovi is...

Bon Jovi - Always

This romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up
It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up
Now I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me
And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always
Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
Touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man
When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I'll wish I was him with these words of mine
To say to you till the end of time
That I will love you baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you
Well, there ain't no luck
in these loaded dice
but baby if you give me just one more try
we can pack up our old dreams
and our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines
And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always
Always

To all a Happy Valentine's Day. Spend it with your loved one.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

REST IN PEACE; TALENT GONE.

2008-01-28T20:07:00.000+08:00

I forgot to say this in the last post. One of the best actors i've seen, gone. Another talent from the world, gone. Heath Ledger is dead.

My favourite movies featuring Heath.
(1) 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
(2) A Knight's Tale (2001)
(3) Lords Of Dogtown (2004)
(4) Casanova (2005)
(5) The Brothers Grimm (2005)

And i bet The Dark Knight with him as Joker would be a great movie in memoir to him.

So, REST IN PEACE: Heath Ledger, Dimebag Darrell, Matsumoto Hideto, Kurt Cobain...

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Zombeast Deathdivine.
Immortalis Obscura.

OUTCAST; METALHEADS.

2008-01-27T22:56:00.000+08:00

Going out with the metalheads is like going to a free beatup party. Majority of the public looks at us like they're going to give us one. But heck, we are who we are and that majority are those fucking mats and minahs that pollute Singapore.

I am bored. Freaking bored.

Oh yeah, saw Prophecy Of Life play at DXO on Saturday. They were good. a few hiccups here and there but things turned out well. Latiff and Zack were there too. After which met Nysrock, bumped into Elfie and Zana, met up with Midget (Jennifer Deathwish) and Rasul (Every Rage I Seek), Shadows Embrace and saw Hafiz (ex-OPX). Talk about a reunion. FUCK, they're having a pit on 8th February and i have to work. National Service be DAMNED. I'll just meet them on 9th i guess.

Oh well, until next mourning.

I MISS NURDARINA. I LOVE HER TOO.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Zombeast Deathdivine.
Immortalis Obscura.

OBSCURA; LAZY?

2008-01-20T10:26:00.000+08:00

Yeah. There comes a time when i'm just plain lazy to blog. Ok go.

Went out yesterday with my Darling, Nysrock and a few other usual black metal guys. Hung out with the rest of the usual people whom i call the Ravers. And went home. See? Just plain fucking lazy to blog. Wooooooooooooo~

THE DIVINE SUICIDE OF K.
Better think of my answers now because I know the questions with be asked
Like if I brought the joy I found in the confessions of a mask
The tip of my tongue's already touching the top of my mouth
It's meaning manifest in mercy burning down the house
It's true that tactless teem totem-poles turn tolerance to tired taboos
It's true that a bullet never knocks on the door, it's about to come crashing through
Walking one last mile in big steps as your alter-wine
Doing it in tattered shoes that aren't even mine
Because my own are in a box locked up with possessions I can't have
Like the gunman with his future and the prison priest's golden calf
Blindfolds aside I'd probably still close my eyes
And try to feel a trembling fetal life inside that shotgun barrel that's about to make me bleed
Like an ulcer in the stomach of the beast
Like a little girl on a bed that was years ago deceased
Resurrected last night with a letter she can't trace
Resurrected to be killed and maybe born again
I'll always be Kezia so long as any hope remains

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Zombeast Deathdivine.
Immortalis Obscura.

A MONTH; LOVE.

2008-01-08T06:19:00.000+08:00

To my darling Nurdarina,

I'm sitting here at 6am in the morning just to send you this message my darling. You and i have been happily attached since 2007.12.08. And you and i will continue our days loving each and every day more. It's already been a month and we have faced the problems that make us miss each other so, for example - my National Service. Just to let you know, you and i are more than just a simple love between two humans. We are more than a painting of human abstract. Don't let anyone make you believe that i don't love you. Because i sure as fucking hell do. You are my best friend, my love, my air, you are my everything. I love you baby. I love you with all my heart. And i miss you so much. Happy one month sayang. Kisses and hugs. <3.

insanely yours,
Qhairul "Zombeast Deathdivine" Fadzlie.
Your Love.
Since 2007.12.08.

DARLING; 2 DAYS?

2008-01-06T21:13:00.000+08:00

EYES SET TO KILL - DARLING
Don't lie don't lie to me now
Now I'm erasing you
Throwing those memories out
Out to start something new
I'm throwing those memories
Darling
Don't lie to me
Darling don't
Breathe in slowly now
Darling don't lie to me
Breathe in slowly now
Darling don't lie to me
Inhale truth I plead
For your my only hope
Don't lie don't leave
Mind set on failure
The road you chose
Told me you loved me
Told me no
Take your time I'm only dying
patiently I kneel here dying
Curse the blind you curse the blind
Deep inside is where it lies
Don't mind me
I'm only dying
What got me into this mess that devoured me
Lies and deceitful actions keep promising
Darling Don't Lie

That's what i was thinking on 2007.12.29. The day of Welcome to the Slaughterhouse Massacre. It seems i wanted OPX to lie to me that we're disbanding, but in real fact, we did. The promises we kept for each other obliterated and destroyed. The futures we were going to have together eradicated. And all in love and passion broke down. And Obscure Phionix is dead. To my darling Obscure Phionix - REST IN PEACE. (Established 2005 March - 2007 December).

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Zombeast Deathdivine.

SLAUGHTERHOUSE; MASKED.

2008-01-02T19:43:00.000+08:00

Whoa. That's it. The Pictures i have during OPX's set. Expecting more but not so sure when i'll get them. Yeah. Welcome to the Slaughterhouse Massacre was awesome. I loved every minute of it.

End of the year 2007 is great. Ended with Welcome to the Slaughterhouse Massacre and met alot of people during New Year's Eve.

2008 is here and i'm starting a new outlook on life itself. I'm abit too dizzy for more blogging. So, i'll stop here. The pictures say everything.

"It won't be long, we'll meet again."

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Deathdivine.
<3 Nurdarina.

SLEEPLESS; SLAUGHTERHOUSE AFTERMATH.

2007-12-30T09:09:00.000+08:00

Welcome to the Slaughterhouse Massacre was a success. We didn't expect so many people to drop by. Thanks all.

Now, i haven't had enough sleep. Max 30mins i think. Let me rest and then i'll upload the photos of the gig from Tsue.

sleepily yours,
Qhaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...

Hangover lah. From NOT SLEEPING!!

FALLEN; ROSE OF DIAMOND SHARDS.

2007-12-23T17:00:00.000+08:00

I seriously need a break. From NS. Not from anything else. I truly miss my one dear love, my Diva Satanica, Nurdarina. She's away and my days and nights of not hearing from her have been hollow. And in all the boredom with this week of duties, i can only entertain myself with my music.

The challenge ahead: Welcome to the Slaughterhouse Massacre. The months of preparing known to myself as, "The All-Metal Gig of the Year", has been stressful and rewarding (in reference to the tickets sold). I met new people and forged new friendships by just selling away tickets.

And on 29th of December 2007, will mark my B.C. Rich KKV's first appearance on stage. My prized possession being wielded for it's purpose.

My many friendships have been tested with my new love, my Diva Satanica. They complain, of which i do not know out of jealousy or just plain hatred for me. I know that i am no Prince Charming. I know that i do not stand out like many out there. I know that i am a freak, a lunatic. Yes, it's true.

So, people who are reading this, judge me whichever way you want. If you think good of me, then our friendship would be forever. If you do not, then i'll take what you give me and shove it up your fucking ass. Easy? Yes.

After Slaughterhouse, i'm going to concentrate more with Death By Clowns. They can succeed and i want them to succeed. Not for me but for themselves.

And to let those in hatred of me being with Nurdarina know, i'm giving her my 150%. All that i can give.

I just figured out. I'm too bored and i'm just ranting senseless words. Yay.

Something that's not senseless is to promote this.

Welcome to the Slaughterhouse Massacre

Bands in the Slaughter:
SOUNDS OF SAVIOUR.
VULGATE DOGMAS.
HELMSKEY.
EVERY RAGE I SEEK.
DYING PORTRAIT.
ASILENT.
DEATH DEFYERZ.
CARDIAC NECROPSY.
IN HATRED AND GIFTED.
OBSCURE PHIONIX.

Where? The Arts House, The Playden.
When? 29th December 2007.
How Much? $7 from bands, $9 at door
(only at the door tickets on the 29th).

SLAUGHTERING STARTS AT 2.30PM TIL LATE!

Supported by The Arts House.
Posters and Flyers by TsueARTeria and
friends.
Equipment by The End Of Recordings.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Deathdivine.
<3 Diva Satanica.

OUT; WEEK BURN.

2007-12-17T06:22:00.000+08:00

Before i go. I'd like to say some things.

1) I'll miss my Diva Satanica, Nurdarina.
2) I'll miss my family.
3) I'll miss my Beasties.
4) I'll miss my guitars.
5) I'll miss my band(s).

Lastly, i hope we'll be playing for Slaughterhouse Massacre.

Love Nurdarina.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Deathdivine.

LOVED; BY DIVA SATANICA.

2007-12-16T19:42:00.000+08:00

Her shyness. :).

Yeah. So i'm attached. To a girl so sweet and lovely that i can't stop thinking about her.

Taken: 2007.12.15, Saturday (yesterday).

Went jamming with beloved Death By Clowns yesterday. Finally i got to gore and scream again. Like a psychotic clown i tortured the microphones. Haha. We auditioned Dila, Tape's friend, and she not all bad. Just need to learn the songs more. Yeah. Sayang said i was a lunatic in there. And the night goes on. Met Man and Meow. Repaired my KKV's loose input. And we had our first kiss. :).

Met her again to today and brought her along for jamming again. And she almost cried in my arms just because she had to leave me to go to work. How sweeter can she get? Love her. I hope i'll get to meet her again soon. Separation makes the heart grow fonder.

NS has been a shit. Detail the whole week for this coming week, except Thurday, until Monday. Yes, Saturday and Sunday too. Fucked. I hate NS. But...

... I love my Diva Satanica.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Deathdivine.

PAINT IT; BLACK.

2007-11-29T13:08:00.000+08:00

Nysrock and i are out to screw the city black. Anyone wants to tag along?

Nysrock + Deathdivine = two National Service slaves with a hatred for gummy worms.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Deathdivine.

ERADICATE; TRUTH.

2007-11-27T21:13:00.000+08:00

All Shall Perish - Eradication
Leading the tables turn
As we fail not to create
A false Sense of Edradication
To revel in, separation
I detest this life
Inching but seeming to end this life
Surprising your neurons its all with time
That meaning will creep inside
Much soon you will find,
You'll find you're closer, closer to the fucking
Fight
Closer to the fucking...
Fire it's depleting but the spark will soon
Rekingdle all that truly recedes
I have no place to show you it will come trust
Me
You soon shall see
I wish that our lives weren't
The facade they seem to be
Some how the purpose was just lost for me
Left to your discretion
You decide.... Your only way
Don't let me the oppression
Manipulate your only way
Leading the times have turned to show the
Mass decay of your will to fight
In separation only to see Eradication

Bring Me The Horizon - Pray For Plague
FLYYYYYY!
She starts her new diet, of liquor and dick,
Just like Hollywood but laced in sick.
The sun goes down and so does she.
The sun goes down and so does she.
Sold out the love that she had left with a cut of the throat.
Drinks all round on her before she strolls to the moat.
The sun goes down and so does she.
The sun goes down and so does she.
Count your fucking...
Blessings!
Come on!
Count your blessings,
Because I'm counting every lie.
Count your blessings,
Because I'm counting every lie.
Counting every lie.
~~Christ~~, I'm asking you for just one thing
I'm asking you for just one thing
Eradicate, this disease.
Close your eyes.
Pray for plagues.
~~Oh Lord~~ cleanse this earth
And bring upon our doomsday.
Close your eyes.
Pray for plagues.
Cleanse this earth
And bring doomsday.
She starts her new diet, of liquor and dick,
Just like Hollywood but laced in sick.
The sun goes down and so does she.
The sun goes down and so does she.
So clap your hands to the sound
Of every first-born dying now.
Watch the rivers flow with blood
Death will stand were life once stood
So clap your hands to the sound
To every first-born dying now.
Watch the rivers turn to blood
Death will stand were life once stood
So clap your hands to the sound
Of every first-born dying now.
Watch the rivers turn to blood
Death will stand were life once stood
Close your eyes.
Pray for plagues.
Cleanse this earth
Bring our doomsday.

Yay. I hate politics in the scene. FUCK.

True enough i have things that i want. One of which is my own Diva Satanica. And an excellent performance at Slaughterhouse Massacre.

Two people have called me a playboy. Woohoo. I don't care what they call me. I know who i am.

I miss RUZ.
I miss WANI.
I miss NADIA.
I miss ANN.
I miss ZEE.
I miss HIRA.

I've got alot of friends who are girls. So sue me. By the way, about half of them are attached.

I miss PERFORMING.
I miss GIGGING.
I miss MOSHING.
I miss HEADBANGING.
I miss LIFTING MY GUITAR(S) UP IN THE AIR.

I'm a performer. Performing is life.

Praying for plague, eradication and doomsday.

RUZ DARLING, i'm sorry, i'm on duty this Saturday. I can't make it to our session. Those NS bastards gave no chance. I'm truly sorry. I'll make it up to you okay. Love you babe. Still missing you loads.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Deathdivine.

Seems like doomsday has come early this year
The last angel has gone
I can't remember the last time I cried
The last angel has gone home

STAGNANT; MUSIC.

2007-11-18T22:49:00.000+08:00

The week's been tiring. Seems like forever just waiting to book out from that ugly place.

Yesterday, as soon as i booked out, went home to change and met Ruz darling at Bukit Batok to coach her in guitar. Teached her the basic chords. Even i started with the same chords. Then slowly progressing to what i play now.

Later in the evening went out to meet the usual people. And again, we will NEVER contact to meet. We're always there somehow. Met Ihsan at the Memorial then headed over to Palace after that. Sat down, bumped into Nazrie and soon after the rest came down and just...lepak.

Today, jamming isn't as energetic as i thought it would be. A boring case of too much thought i guess. Oh well, next tme then.

It seems that i have nothing to talk about nowadays. And my blog's been stagnant for quite a while. Weeeeeee~

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Zombeast Deathdivine.
Obscure Phionix / Death By Clowns.

MY KINDA GIRL; THERE'S NO ONE.

2007-11-09T20:25:00.000+08:00

Here's a song for you to READ. Don't think of the video. Just listen to the song. The description of the one girl in this song is like the one girl i would like to have. But, sadly, none. It's just the love in this song, to be proud of her, to be happy like this, FOR HER TO LOVE MY BAND (although sometimes fucked up) and for her to be like this song. Rare. Isn't it. Well, Qhai, dream on.

Gym Class Heroes featuring Patrick Stump - Cupid's Chokehold.
Take a look at my girlfriend (girlfriend)
She's the only one i got
Not much of a girlfriend (girlfriend)
I never seem to get a lot
It's been some time since we last spoke
And this is gonna sound like a bad joke (bad joke)
But momma i fell in love again
It's safe to say i have a new girlfriend
And i know it sounds so old
But cupid got me in a chokehold
And i'm afraid i might give in
Towels on the mat, my white flag is wavin'
I mean she even cooks me pancakes
And alka seltzer when my tummy aches
If that ain't love then i don't know what love is
We even got a secret handshake
And she loves the music that my band makes
I know i'm young but if i had to choose her or the sun
I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun
Take a look at my girlfriend (girlfriend)
She's the only one i got
Not much of a girlfriend (girlfriend)
I never seem to get a lot
Take a look at my girlfriend (girlfriend)
She's the only one i got
Not much of a girlfriend (girlfriend)
I never seem to get a lot
It's been awhile since we talked last and i'm tryin' hard not to talk fast
But dad i'm finally thinkin' i may have found the one
Type of girl that'll make you way proud of your son
And i know you heard the last song about the girls that didn't last long
But i promise this is on a whole new plane
I can tell by the way she says my name
I love it when she calls my phone
She even got her very own ringtone
If that ain't love then i don't know what love is
It's gonna be a long drive home but i know as soon as i arrive home
And i open the door take off my coat and throw my bag on the floor
She'll be back into my arms once more for sure like...
Take a look at my girlfriend (girlfriend)
She's the only one i got
Not much of a girlfriend (girlfriend)
I never seem to get a lot
She's got a smile that would make the most senile
Annoying old man bite his tongue (i'm not done)
She's got eyes comparable to sunrise
And it doesn't stop there (man i swear)
She's got porcelain skin of course she's a ten
And now she's even got her own song (but movin' on)
She's got the cutest laugh i ever heard
And we can be on the phone for three hours (not sayin' one word)
And i would still cherish every moment
And when i start to build my future she's the main component
Call it dumb, call it luck, call it love or whatever you call it but
Everywhere i go i keep her picture in my wallet like...
Take a look at my girlfriend (girlfriend)
She's the only one i got
Not much of a girlfriend (girlfriend)
I never seem to get a lotTake a look at my girlfriend (girlfriend)
She's the only one i got
Not much of a girlfriend (girlfriend)
I never seem to get a lot

I just realised how brutal and fucked up the scene can be. I'm sad, yes, about what's happening around us. The lies and all the cover-ups. I'm losing myself in this. I feel like i want to quit music making. For good. But i won't. I won't because; (1) I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE TO THOSE FUCKERS, (2) I DO NOT WANT TO BE THE LOSER IN THIS, (3) I DO NOT WANT TO BE THE COWARD, (4) I DO NOT WANT TO ABANDON MY HOPES and lastly, (5) I NEVER WANT LOSE MY PASSION. I know that i can do this, with or without Obscure Phionix. But i will never abandon OPX. I've nutured it, i've fed it, i've watched it grow. I won't. Never.

Thanks alot to those fuckers out there. Because of you i'll never see the scene in the same way again. Thanks to you, i'm again, the old Beast i used to be.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Zombeast Deathdivine.
Obscure Phionix / Death By Clowns.

NIGHT; MESSENGER.

2007-11-08T13:12:00.000+08:00

Went out with Nadia last night. Had dinner with her. Haha. And took this.

Today.

Ruz's MSN personal message - "Hi, I'm RUZ. and I feel like I'm gonna throw up."
My MSN personal message - "Hi, I'm QHAI. and I'll catch RUZ's vomit if she needs it back."
Ruz's MSN personal message after that - "Hi, I'm RUZ. and I swallow back my vomit."

How's that for BEASTIES. Hahaha. Sorry. I find this kinda amusing.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Zombeast Deathdivine.
Obscure Phionix.

THE FEVER; TUESDAY NIGHT FEVER.

2007-11-07T16:08:00.000+08:00

Obscure Phionix with Joey of Prince Isobelle.

Thanks Joey (Ghalid) for sessioning for us.

Meaning (Japanese Hardcore Metal Band) from Japan. Seriously.

That's my kind of girl. Her name's Mami anyway.

Cute isn't she. Hahahaha.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Obscure Phionix.
Zombeast.

TWO GIGS; TOO IMPORTANT.

2007-10-20T21:44:00.000+08:00

These are my important ones.

If you're face is not here, it doesn't mean i don't consider you important. I love all my friends.

Somehow i feel like i've been drifting away. Drifting from all the people. I realised this is not the way to go. Keep the people you care for as close as you can.

Ruz darling, i'm sorry about Ryan. Condolences to his family. I know you love him alot and you still do. You take your time recovering yourself. Still, remember that he's not the only one who loves you. Look around and you'll find more. Stay strong. (:

So Obscure Phionix is going back up.
SIXTH NOVEMBER - Tuesday Night Fever w/ My Precious.
TWENTY-NINTH DECEMBER - Welcome To The Slaughterhouse Massacre.

Haha. Yay.

I end here.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Zombeast.
Obscure Phionix / Death By Clowns.

WELCOME; WELCOME TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE MASSACRE!

2007-10-05T23:47:00.000+08:00

NEED I SAY MORE?

Hahahaha.
Shall update soon.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Zombeast.
Obscure Phionix.

FAMILY; PRIDE.

2007-09-23T21:34:00.000+08:00

I know i'm the son of Norzihan and Muzakir.

Now i see that i'm also the son of EzieJazz and Umi Mariam.

(:

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Zombeat.
I am a Man before i am a Beast.

ZOMBEASTS; MONSTERS.

2007-09-23T12:01:00.000+08:00

So, went out with ZeeMonster yesterday night for break fast. Met her at Tampines and we went to Geylang. Of course she brought her friends along. I was supposed to bring Khair but he was not available. Damn. Surprisingly i didn't eat much. Oh well.

First things first, i miss the band. Obscure Phionix. Where art thou? Haha. We're going to have dinner together next saturday and a jamming session at Beat Merchants. Hopefully, our friends of Sounds Of Saviour and some other will join us for dinner. Shadows Embrace maybe, Vulgate Dogmas maybe, Every Rage I Seek maybe, or just the usual RAVERS of Esplanade.

Oh yeah, next saturday is the official commencement of the flyers and posters of Welcome To The Slaughterhouse Massacre! Or Welcome To The Artshouse Massacre! Whichever name we've given the organised gig to. 29th December 2007. Make yourself free. This will be the reunion of all the underground metal bands of the past years.

Of course i also miss Death By Clowns. Long time didn't jam with them although we made several attempts to plan it. Oh well, maybe next time.

I've uploaded three videos from YouTube, below the very well dead tagboard. First, Obscure Phionix - Nemesis @ Sessions!05. Second, Obscure Phionix with Agent Tsue - Nemesis @ Ascension 2: The Second Round. Lastly, Death By Clowns - Rose Of Sharyn @ jamming.

I shall sign off now.

P.S. I MISS ZEE.

I am a worm before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget that!

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Zombeast.
I am a Man before i am a Beast.

OH, THE BOREDOM; METAL LIVES.

2007-09-11T19:25:00.000+08:00

Kay, i'm officially bored. Zee's phone is out of order. Ann's sick. And i keep getting restless. Oh, what's my last post? Long time ago. BUT FIRST.

To Zul Shadows Embrace,
Take care bro in your road of service. National Service might be a waste of time and a bore to people like us but hold on. 2 years (or less) will pass by fast. Endure the pain, sweat and tears of all the shit they'll give you. Good luck, policeman.

Oh, hell yeah. "Welcome to the Slaughterhous Massacre" is coming to you. 29th December so book your tickets from me. I'll be selling at about $6 per ticket. So call me up at 90893401 for the booking. =).

The promotion will be going on very soon. Bands playing are: Obscure Phionix, Sounds Of Saviour, Death Defyerz, Vulgate Dogmas, Dying Portrait, Helmsky, Cardiac Necropsy and Nafrat. IF there happen to be more bands playing i'll inform you guys. So call me now. OK GO.

I miss ZeeMonster lah seh. Hahaha.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Zombeast.

THE DREAM; I'M GOING ACOUSTIC.

2007-09-02T15:19:00.000+08:00

I'm going acoustic. Khair and i have made plans to grab the opportunity to grab cash through this route. Well, not easy but, yeah. And i'm planning to include dear Zee into it. Going to play Evanescence, Oasis, Creed, Staind and transposed metal types.

Anyway, went out for jamming yesterday. I brought Zee along. She's like the only person i could ask out. And i thank her for being there, for coming out when i asked her. =). Thanks alot Zee. After jamming, we went to Esplanade to meet Khair and the usuals. And thanks Faz Sounds Of Saviour for realigning my Floyd Rose.

Hey, who knows any girl who is like a mixture of Sharon den Adel (Within Temptation), Cristina Scabbia (Lacuna Coil), Angela Gossow (Arch Enemy) and Amy Lee (Evanescence)? Then introduce me to her. Haha.

Oh yeah. The Black Dahlia Murder. PAINT IT BLACK LAH SEH, covered. =).

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Zombeast.

A NEW INFIDELITY; MEDICK.

2007-08-29T19:43:00.000+08:00

Let's begin with last Saturday, went out with Zee for the first time. Brought her to DXO for her first gig. Haha. =). Wooooots. End of that day, i decided to get unearth an acoustic band for extra money. Yes!

Now, news of the week! I've passed out from the SAF Medical Training Institute. Yay. Okay. I want to rest. SERIOUSLY. Tired lah seh.

Before that. A song.

SCREAMING INFIDELITIES
Dashboard Confessional

I'm missing your bed, I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak
And this bottle of beast is taking me home.
I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
You're not alone and you're not discreet.
You make sure I know who's taking you home.
I'm reading your note over again,
There's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it:
"I'll love you always and forever"
As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
And sit alone and wonder, how you're making out.
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out.
I'm missing your laugh,
How did it break?
And when did your eyes
Begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you're pretending
I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
I am alone in my defeat
I wish I knew you were safely at home
I'm missing your bed, I never sleep.
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak.
And this bottle of beast is taking me home.
Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
And sit alone and wonder...
How you're making out.
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone...
Making out
Your hair it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities and taking its wear.
Your hair it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities and taking its wear.
Your hair it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities and taking its wear.
Your hair it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities and taking its wear.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Zombeast.

LIGHTERWORKS; FIRE.

2007-08-19T18:02:00.000+08:00

First, let me recall what the hell i did last week.

...
...
...

Oh yea. Saturday went to Exile at The Arts House. Thanks to Adriana for the invite. =). Met the rest of the guys there. Zul, EJ, Alif, etc. Then met Qader outside The Arts House and went for jamming at around 6pm. Then after that went to Changi Beach for "chalet". Met Niq and all. Went around spotted a few gays and watched soccer for a bit.

YESTERDAY. Went to Esplanade to watch the fireworks. Met up with Shadows Embrace and Alif. And yes, Shadows Embrace including dear Sitt. =). Been long since i met her. It was cool. Met alot of people there as usual. Fireworks was great, the sea of human hordes was not. Went back to Uncle Jazz's place after that and had a chat with my primary schoolmate, Zizi, who happens to be Uncle Jazz's niece. Small small world.

This morning went for jamming. Shah was late but i didn't mind. We got the whole complication of our second original untangled. Hah. Sounds like mix of Slayer, Arch Enemy and a bit of Behemoth. Wahahahaha.

Ok. Done.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

NATIONAL CHAOS; STAMPEDE.

2007-08-10T17:37:00.000+08:00

Before i went off to City Hall, i went to get the new phone. Nokia 5200. Woohoo. =). Got myself a new phone. Yayness.

So, Shah and i battled through the train for space. And when we reached there it was like a stampede of human souls. Yes, a sea of bodies. Met Ann at the Sumpreme Court and we headed off to Long John Silver for a bite. Then all of us went to search for Zul. It was terrible. We gave up and went to meet Qader outside of Funan's Watsons. After that bought a new shirt over at Black Haven and went to Burger King cause Shah and Qader wanted to eat. Ann was kind of quiet all the way but it's ok. I'll get to know her better when we go out again.

Ok, i don't think i have anything to blog about. Not exactly in the mood to blog. Oh, well. Time to play around with my new phone.

Zombie out.

insanely yours,
Qhai Beasthide.

BAYBEATS; BAYBEAST.

2007-08-05T16:02:00.000+08:00

BAYBEATS.
The best place to gather with friends and my fellow Ravers. It's okay, not so bad. Just lots of emoshits, mats/minahs and yps around. ERK. So, i met up with Man, Meow and Qader about some band things. Get to meet Helmskey. Anyway, from there Qader and i headed to Esplanade. Man and Meow went to meet Asilent. So, when i reached the further stage, bumped into Aidil and Semut. Then saw Adriana. Then bumped into Fiz and Mas. Watched The Sallys for awhile. Then met Isa and the rest of Projeria. On the way to the stage at the bridge, met Azri and Irwin. Watched Allura at that stage. NOTE: Allura's vocalist is hot. Haha. Melvin was right. =). Ah, their set was superb. Then at 7.30pm Deputy Siren came up. Moshing by kids. Deputy Siren threw lots of stuff, mainly Gibson picks. Got one Gibson bass pick. Azri, Irwin, Man, Meow and myself got flattened by these kids. Hah.

After that we headed out to the other stage. Met with EJ and Joe. Then we hungout over at the corner of the carpark. Then a few more people joined us. Mainly Ihsan, Alif, Adriana, Zaid and Nas. One of the Baybeats people went around and gave away Baybeats dogtags. I got 5 of 'em. Hahaha. So, we sat there for so long, until the start of Blindside. Woots. Awesome. Their song "About The Fire In The Sky" is fucking swede-some. Went off from Esplanade at 11.30pm and reached home an hour later. Fucking superb. Haha.

Oh. I'm going to get a Nokia 5200 next week. Weeee~.

Too bad those i asked to along couldn't tag along.

Oh well, jamming today is great. Finally played Dead Eyes See No Future by Arch Enemy. Woots. Just have to learn my solo. And we already started on our new Original. First original, Suffering In The Hands Of The Psychopath, is sounding better and better each time we play it.

I guess that's it. About time i meet Ann. Hah.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

BACK FROM HELL WEEKS; COMBATANT.

2007-07-29T09:23:00.000+08:00

Ok. I passed my tests. Hell week is over! Hell week is over! Congrats to me for being lucky to pass all my tests. Plus the encouragement from Beastie Ruz and Wani made me study harder. Oh, i got poked by two 16Gs (just a little smaller than a yakult straw). FUCKING PAIN LAH SEH.

Anyways, yesterday's fireworks were damn beautiful. Glad i didn't miss it. Hung out with EJ, Zul, Alif, Hafiz, Ihsan and new friend from Boon Lay, Adriana. Ok, so i maybe the oldest there and the only OPXian and not mix with them for a long time, but it's time to mingle. Again.

Ruz had a hate tagger problem. Helped her out. Frankly speaking, i'd take an M16 shot for her. She's the only friend who really cares like a bestie should. Hate taggers suck. So fuck off from my friends.

I'm out of my depression phase. Haha. I've no regrets of my past. I'm fucking happy with my fucking life now. Ok, so except the fact that i still have stupid NS to serve. Waste of fucking time. But still, the things NS force in your brain is great for self-discipline and future skills. MEDIC LAH SEH. MEDDDDIIIC!

So a song tribute for my change of perspective.

CALIBAN - LET GO
Dead end and no way back
Walls came crashing down on me
Whatever I try, whatever I do
My mind will go insane
Change is the headline and I am reborn
All the crying, all the mourning is gone
I woke up with a new view of life
I don't know what has happened to the past (life)
Life is too short to think all through
Life is too short to waste it all
So listen to your heart
And help your dreams, to come true
Life is too short
Too many dreams kept in the dark
Too many wishes are blown away for nothing
A new time, a new chance
I am a rising star
I am back
I will fight
I will love again
I woke up with a new view of life
I don't know what has happened to the past (life)
Life is too short to think all through
Life is too short to waste it all
Life is too short

Yes. Reborn i maybe but none of the past or my loved will be forgotten.

Now, another song to try to empty the void.

CALIBAN - I WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN
Wake up, stand up
For everything you want
Let's go, let's live
What are your dreams, what do you wish?
It's up to you, so open up your eyes
And see, what could be
The world is there for us (for us)
Forever, we will be together
To love, for life
Let all go, let me lead
To be free
Let me be your eyes forever mine
Let me be your guide through this life
What is real, what is fake?
You'll never know for sure
All the pain, all the lies
I'll take them away from you
It's up to you, so open up your eyes
And see, what could be
The world is there for us (there for us)
Let me your eyes forever mine
Let me your guide through this life
I will never let you down (let you down)
Forever, we will be together
To love, for life
Let all go, let me lead
To be free

Black Horns.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

SCENE EVOLUTION; I'M COMING BACK.

2007-07-08T17:58:00.000+08:00

The scene, as some people would agree with me, have become so full of ridiculous wankers. The old scene seems so much better. The time where there was Shadows Embrace, Mulysa, Sounds Of Saviour and Obscure Phionix sharing the same stage. I miss it. So i'm doing something about that. I'm coming back to the scene hangouts to hand pick those who are still in love with the old scene and keep them from evolving into these x-core wankers who overdress, overact and overkill. Haha. STAY TRUE TO THE SCENE.

Jamming today was fun. Practising for the next up and coming gig which is Metal Allegiant. Coolness. Hahaha. Covering our favourites and our original play. So who's up for the Allegiance?

And again. I'll shall meet you ravers every saturday.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

BEEN TOO LONG; NOTHING IN MIND.

2007-07-01T08:25:00.000+08:00

For the past 2 weeks: i've been to my new camp, seen National Day Parade rehearsals twice with the same people, been nervous and much more.

My new camp's alright. Not that bad. Just hope that the upcoming I.V. session goes well.

I miss alot of people. Yes, i do. And for the past few weeks i've contemplated and went down and out because of this. But, i'll move on. No matter what happens.

I won't update much. Too all those peers who are worried or whatever. I'm fine. Nothing wrong. Doesn't hurt to call once in a while eh?

A PATTERN THROUGH DEPRESSION.

An onward route of depression,
Motionless on a road of despair,
I stand alone unwilling,
For the hatred that follows.
Goodbye is the word that revolves,
Around this world of mine,
One by one they left here,
None concerned or loved.
I keep memoirs of the lost,
Reminder that I'm all to be,
Unloved in the world of peers,
Because friends just disappear.
The black ring I wear around my neck,
Is not because I love someone,
But a remembrance of love's torment,
A straight-cut scar across the heart.
The black ring I wear on my finger,
Is not because I love someone,
But a memory of what's done,
A past of gray that's to be forgotten.
A pattern through depression,
I thank you all for this,
In this state shall I be set,
In concrete after my feelings are swept.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

GRADUATED; NOW MEDIC.

2007-06-16T11:19:00.000+08:00

Yes, you're reading Private Qhai the Combat Medic's blog. Combat Medic...

The Graduation Parade went on smoothly. But it took longer than i expected. And a big FINALLY to no more fuckers. I'm free from most in Section 1 whom i consider SHITS. Fuck you, i hate you. These SHITS have no brains to think for themselves, plus they only think of bloody things to make them happy. Try that in the unit and you'll be dead fuckers.

Ok, so SCRAP Graduation Parade. I turned two decades old as of 15th June, Friday. Went out with the family for bites and shopping. It was Umairah's and Ruz's dad birthday as well. Cool huh? Mom bought me a new belt from Guess. Nyahaha. Wanted to find aviators but the ones i found, were more than $200! Argh!!

Had jamming with Obscure Phionix and Death By Clowns, back to back. My fingers are tired and my throat is red. Thanks to the screaming. Lol. Well, overall i enjoyed myself. But Obscure Phionix has to buck up. We're aiming for the future. Let's take this to the next level guys.

Going to East Coast for a picnic. Yay!

So, things to add to my wishlist. (Take note to all those who haven't got me a gift. LOL).
- Aviator Shades
- Sony Ericsson Cybershot Phone
- Sony Playstation Portable (PSP)
- Sony Playstation 3 (i wish!)
- Laptop > The newer model of Sony VAIO would be nice
- Creative MP4/MP3 (more than 2GB, no less)
- A Hardcase for my Jackson Dinky

Ok stop. Let's end this as you can see i'm obsessed with Sony Products. Hah! =).

insanely yours,
Qhai.

THE BEST FEST; TIGHTNESS.

2007-06-10T17:42:00.000+08:00

Hello all. I must admit that yesterday's performance was not that good. Everyone there knows it as well. Yesterday's night soundman sucks and because of that OPX's morale hit an all time low, in which caused us to cock up. So i don't blame him alone. So. Thanks to all those who came to support yesterday. Namely: Our families; Spyglass Avenue and friends; Izzat of Shattered Skies; Tsue; Didi; Wan of Vulgate Dogma; Sounds Of Saviour; Khai; Khai, Aydil and Ixe of Mulysa; Affey and group; and lots more (sorry if i didn't mention your name cause there were a hell lot of people we know out there).

So. What's up today? The best of all our SSF performances. Added an extra song to the list. Thanks to Spyglass Avenue and friends for being there. Plus Affey's lot. Haha. =). We got the videos for 3rd June's and 10th June's performances. So after i graduate from Tekong, i'll upload it and try to put it up on YouTube or somthing. =). Weeeeee~

Passing out of Tekong soon. Finally. Yay-ness. 'Kay, i'm tired and aching. Let me rest.

P.O.P.-O!

insanely yours,
Qhai.

MY LAST DAYS OF BMT-SHIT; THE SADISTICS.

2007-06-09T13:51:00.000+08:00

Let's do this in point form. Starting from last Sunday.

Sunday, 2007.06.03.
Went out as early as 9am to catch our scheduled booking at Beats Merchant before our performance at Plaza Singapura. It's was crazy. We all were nervous but were very much prepared. After jamming we went for a bite then off to Plaza Singapura. To my surprise our faces were seen on TV ads all across the mall (and including Tampines Mall, found out from Meow yesterday). We then waited at the "Big White Tent" for our slot to come by plus the people we invited. For the first day, i was glad that very familiar faces were seen. We performed hard. With passion. And we ended the performance in a bang. To all those moshers who were sent out: i'm sorry, i didn't know they'd chase you out. After the performance i changed into my Smart Number 4 uniform and went off to book in.

Monday, 2007.06.04.
Drill Competition. We arrived at the Parade Square second so we'll perform second, after Kestrel. It was nerve wrecking. We only practised for 3 days. No more, no less. And we got third. Again. In the evening was Recruit's Evening. Haha. Moshing. Dancing. Skanking. And a whole lot of sweat. Plus i hi-fived Zarina, hostess for SAF MDC. B-e-a-utiful.

Tuesday, 2007.06.05.
Nothing much.

Wednesday, 2007.06.06.
One of our Sergeants pissed a whole lot of people off. Sadistically, i was smiling all the way cause most of my section was outraged. I love seeing those fuckers pissed off. Haha. YOU FUCKS DON'T DESERVE A SHIT. OH, HOW MUCH I HATE YOU ALL.

Thurday, 2007.06.07.
I did alot of "honourable duties" a.k.a. shit jobs since the whole day was company admin time. I managed to piss off my section again. Haha. Fuckers. Saw Shafiee, Gere, Nizam, Idris from Hong Kah Secondary; Joey of Prince Isobelle and my cousin, Yaqin enlist. Haha. 3 months BMTC for you guys.

Friday, 2007.06.08.
Managed to have lunch with Yaqin. Never seen him for a long time. Glad he's doing okay. And the rest of his family. Got to see him with a SHAVEN HEAD. Nyahaha. Booked out with hell lot of stuff. Finally, a few days left in Tekong.

And today, is Obscure Phionix's performance again. And expecting chaos with a capital "C".

Oh. I'm proud to be part of the REVOLUT'N.

TODAY. 6PM. CINELEISURE. BE THERE.

insanely yours,
Qhai

SSF'S COMING; BLINDFOLDED.

2007-05-31T12:51:00.000+08:00

Okay. First let me update on OPX's last jamming session. It waaaaaas extremely great! We got our form back. Haha. Finally. Our Original had an upgrade. Oh, plus my Jackson Dinky had a tune-up. This Obscure Phionix will soon be at Plaza Singapura playing to scrace the crowd. Hoping the people i invited are able to come on any of the three dates.

Oh just in case anyone of you don't believe me when i say i have my Jackson guitar.

Hahahahahaha. JACKSON BEBEH! Floyd Rose tremolo bar!

I'm awfully excited plus stressed for the performance at Plaza Singapura. It's going to be a blast. Currently stuck to Protest The Hero's songs. Wahah. The guitar works, the bass tappings, the odd drumbeats. A must to cover.

Oh. Here's one of the songs i wrote at Tekong...of all places.

BLINDFOLDED ADDICTION.
Do you notice me
The one who cares for you
My addiction for you neverending
I'm hoping for the day you fall for me
Disorder of dreams
Let my shattered heart mend in you hands
Let my lifeless soul breathe again
Let me be your knight stained in black
Let us be forever, forever
I want you to be mine
Cause you are the only one who understands my melody of words
I can't be sure if we're intended
Loveless human
Blindfolded, my sins push away the emotion
Sins of a lifetime
As darkness consume my future, a blasphemy of relations
You took away the cloth that impairs my eyes
Opened my vision of love for you
The light shines on you, my angel
You freed me and I thank you
I just want to hold and look at you
If I fail, blindfold my eyes again
Burn my skin with a lighted cigarette
Put me against a wall
Line a squad of shooters in front of me
And pull the trigger
Life's too short to let you go

And of course this song is for my own personal gain. Not for Obscure Phionix or Death By Clowns. I just love writing.

And again. This image:

insanely yours,
Qhai.

SSF07; SINGAPORE STREET FESTIVAL 2007.

2007-05-26T18:19:00.000+08:00

Only one thing to update now. SSF07.

I'll update my on my life sooner or later. Hahs.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

DO YOU REMEMBER; THE GOOD OLD DAYS.

2007-05-20T09:08:00.000+08:00

I've been spending my time in camp writing songs of lonliness. No idea why but that's what comes to my mind everytime i open up that book of lyrics. So...

Obscure Phionix had jamming yesterday. It was a little fucked. But nevertheless we'll perservere until StreetFest07. Original is completed. Want to hear it? Come to StreetFest. Haha. =). I'm hoping people like Ruz, Niq and a few other can make it. Lol. I'm gonna ask Mama if Ruz could be her goddaughter. Cos Ruz loves my Mama. Hehe. Maybe after Mama gets to know her better.

Oh yeah. This song is great. The lyrics are so powerful maybe it could turn the world's thinking. Tells us the way not to treat the world's women. And not the way women should treat themselves. Still, the world is becoming darker.

Do you remember how it was when you bled?
When you loved and burned in those flames that you've kept
Because Vesta's long been sleeping
And now you've come to accept that
Your anatomy defines more than a few of the gaping holes in our social fabric
More than a few one night stands, more than a few prison bars melted into wedding bands
We've made you all the peasants and we've made ourselves the kings
Our queens are still subordinate as an angel without wings
We make it easy to belong which means it's easy to be wrong
"Put some plastic in your tits, and you'd look better as a blonde"
I remember when you were hopeful
And you never thought your life would be lived inside a coffin
With a moral sacrifice and a million social obligations, labels and expectations
You were young and modern seventeen in vogue and vague pursuit of a cosmopolitan dream
When you bled on the bed as you fed those expectations as a whore and not a human
You embraced with hesitation the parameters of all you can be
Not a mother, not an aunt, not a sister who's not subdued
Because dignity's not physical and your flesh means more than you
Your flesh means more than you; your flesh means more than you
Your flesh means more than you; your flesh means more than you
I know we'll wake up one day with a gun to the back of our brains
You'll be asking for your rib and I'll smile and call you brave
Maybe someday when this bloody skull has dried I'll know our city is in ruins
When our greatest source of pride is a monument of dicks and ribs and gender crowns we wore
Where underneath, a plaque will read, "No woman is a whore"

No. Not the way. Spread the word. We should love ourselves and be at pride.

"My hopes and my own future blindfolded to atone for a sin I didn't care for, but a sin that paid my debts. No one ever said that hope would be so beautiful. No one ever said I had to pull that trigger, on her. Her tiny steps tell lies about the choice I have to make; resurrect a static lifetime to starve, to death my own mistakes. So pull the screaming trigger and watch your carcass bleed me dry. Or drop the gun and try to shake away the blindfold from your eyes" - for my fading past.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

3 WEEKS; PERFORMANCE.

2007-05-13T08:37:00.000+08:00

Obscure Phionix has 3 weeks left to Singapore Street Festival 2007. Last time we performed for that was in 2005. The very first Obscure Phionix line up: Meow, Man, Yazid, Hafiz and myself - Obscure Phionix 2005. We played Avenged Sevenfold's songs then. Look at us now, more agressive and faster pacing. I love how Obscure Phionix evolved through the years. Hopefully i'll get the Jackson Dinky by then. =).

Had jamming yesterday. In the evening until 9pm. Hafiz came down as well. We almost got Statutory Ape right and almost got our original right. Woohoo! Will be performing those two songs by StreetFest. Plus more. Old favourites and crowd favourites. For our genre i mean. Haha. I love how our original sounds.

As we were going back. I did something i promised myself not to do. Scan through the faces of girls. That's something wrong. I have myself to blame. Forever shall i be burdened by this lonliness. But at least Ruz is there to keep me company most of the time. =). Thanks Ruz darling. <3.

Let me end here. I might be able to get that Jackson today. Waiting for Yadi's call.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

THE SHOTS; THE INSANITY.

2007-05-06T16:48:00.000+08:00

here they are. the photos of yesterday.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

BEFORE I END; BEFORE ENCAMPMENT.

2007-05-06T09:57:00.000+08:00

This week has been overly fun. Went out most of the days. Met all the people i'm supposed to and wanted to. I'm relieved. Their faces make me smile. Always, never less. And as always, i'll love them until i die. But it's not always smooth sailing. I didn't get to meet a few of my beasties. And the new faces. Well. Here's my week's schedule since booking out.

Saturday, 2007.04.28.
Relaxed at home. Then went out alone to City Hall to buy some string for my beloved wife, B.C. Rich Beast. Went to Ayah's to get Eriq. Went home.

Sunday, 2007.04.29.
Went out. Jamming at Beats Merchant with Obscure Phionix. The room we got was so fucked up that i came back frustrated. So much for a great session.

Monday, 2007.04.30.
To ITE College Dover. Had jamming with Death By Clowns. Although it was only Latiff, Khair and i. Still when we jammed our last song, Rose Of Sharyn, i guess we drew alot of people's attention. Oh yeah, talking about DBC. I miss them. Especially Shima and Faizal.

Tuesday, 2007.05.01.
Went out to VivoCity with family. Walked and walked. Then we took the train to Sentosa. To Beach Station. Saw the drastic changes to Sentosa. I miss the old Sentosa.

Wednesday, 2007.05.02.
Stayed at home. Uploaded videos of Obscure Phionix's past gigs.

Thursday, 2007.05.03.
Went out in the evening to Man's place. Practiced our original song. And fondled his PlayStation 3. Oh my god.

Friday, 2007.05.04.
Jamming with Obscure Phionix. Tried to play Statutory Ape. Ended in vain. Haha. Still, went back frustrated cause of a few minor problems.

Saturday, 2007.05.05.
Went out for the Singapore Street Festival meeting with Meow and Qader. Yes, Obscure Phionix is playing there again. Woo. After that, waited for Shah and Rynna. Then Hafiz. Coolness. Then we went to Millenia Walk cause Shah wanted his dinner. Then along the way to City Hall Supreme Court, i bumped into Zana and the Dover guys. Haha. As we moved forward, bumped into Joe of Shadows Embrace. Already went for NS eh. Hah. Then when we were at Supreme Court. We camwhored. Yeah. The crazy people of OPX are as insane as ever. Waited for Man while we're there. After which more camwhoring. Then Fiz, Man and i did some amateur parkour. Haha.

So. I'll stop here. I'll post the photos later alright.

I'm the tool of my demons.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

200; FORSAKEN.

2007-05-02T19:37:00.000+08:00

This is my 200th post. I guess i'm just posting this due to my heart's similarity to the lyrics of this song. Oh, fuck. There are so many songs that could describe my crumbling heart. But i'll always love my beasties. =). So this is for you, my fading past.

A glance back, a glance into the now
Tears sweeten the day
But the aftertaste is bitter
Here we go!
Where are the good old times?
Where is my dependence?
In your presence my memories
Swallow me
Moment for moment
You threw me back
A new way, the same paths, old fears
I'm the tool of my demons
In your presence my memories
They swallow me
Moment for moment
You threw me back here
A new way, the same paths, old fears
I'm the tool of my demons
They hide the depths of my soul, in darkness
I can't be what I am
Fill me with new hope
Let me go before I end
I can't be what I am
Fill me with new hope
Fill me with new hope
In your presence my memories
They swallow me
Moment for moment
You threw me back here
A new way, the same paths, old fears
I'm the tool of my demons
They hide the depths of my soul, in darkness
Fill me with new hope
Fill me with new hope

insanely yours,
Qhai.

VIDEO-ED; OBSCURE PHIONIX.

2007-05-02T16:38:00.000+08:00

Finally. Since i have the time, i've uploaded all videos of Metalgodz Part 4 and Ascension 2: The Second Round. That was more than 6 months ago. A long, long time. I guess since landing in Tekong, i've less time for everything. That's the truth. Oh well, i guess i'll have to get used to it cause i still have another one and a half years to go. But, nevertheless, i'll still hate NS. And Ruz agrees with me. Haha.

Once again the psycho strikes. Can someone please shut her up and bleed her to death? I'm getting more and more annoyed and bezerked. Ruz, can i take your offer for you to screw her?

Hah. Let's end. Take care insanes.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

THE ROSE; MEMORIES.

2007-04-30T21:07:00.000+08:00

Ok, went to Dover just now to jam. Waiting for Khair to arrive is like growing my long hair back. Only three of Death By Clowns. Songs forgotten, some remembered. The last song we played was Rose Of Sharyn. You could imagine how much memories were in my mind when i sang the whole song. Yeah, it was the first time i sang the WHOLE song by myself since the last DBC jamming.

Numb, we're broken here I stand alone. Wondering what were the last words I said to you.

And this time, i'm not hoping or praying to turn back time. I've had enough of relationships. So if you think i'm going to get a girlfriend, i am not. I'm happy with just my beasties and the VIPs.

I don't think i have anything else to talk about. Maybe going to VivoCity tomorrow. Either with friends or with family. So there.

Goodnight insanes - you know who you are.

isnanely yours,
Qhai.

MY RAGE; NEVER LESS.

2007-04-29T20:20:00.000+08:00

What i just heard from someone yesterday made me go bezerk. Mind you, i don't use the word bezerk often to describe my anger. So. Lies, lies and more lies. That's what the most people in my life are giving me. From past to present. From naive to matured. From relationships to singlehood. Nevertheless, i stood strong and upright. Unswayed by each effort made to bring me down. Ever so shall i be the one who you would trample on. But the action is useless. And by then, after you've had your fun, i'll be the one destroying you. And the way down is cold and hard. You've seen me as good, insane and my stage alter ego. But rarely have you seen my bezerked side. Go on this shit to see it. I AM NOW A SINGLE MAN AND WILL BE SO UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. I AM NOT WITH ANYONE AND WILL NEVER BE UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. The further notice will most possibly be after the 2 years i spend in hell. So you who's reading this and think you are my "girlfriend". Get a life and get out of mine. Psychotic.

Had jamming just now. I was way off course. I need practise. Good thing it's block leave week. Then on 13th June, Wednesday - Passing Out Parade. So i'll be saying goodbye Tekong, goodbye end to end travel, goodbye past memories and goodbye BMTC colleagues.

To you the one who's been lying about me behind my back - FUCK YOU.

When you kiss him, do you still taste or are you thinking of, are you thinking of me? With your lips pressed, tie me up against the stars. Does your body still scream my name? Does your body still scream my name?

Sadistic? Yes, i am. Insanity screams my name.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

DOWNTOWN; CONFINEMENT.

2007-04-15T11:03:00.000+08:00

Next two weeks will be a tough one. Confinement due to outfield training. So yeah. Need to get extra mentally ready.

Just came back from Downtown East. Had barbeque last evening with my mom's YISSians. Saw the people. Talked to Iqah, shared problems and stuff. I wonder why the other kids don't mix with both of us. Lol. Don't care. Maybe they'll warm up to us sooner or later. With that i end the barbeque session.

Jamming was awesome. We completed our original but i think Man wants a change to the chorus parts. So it'll still under "construction". It went fine yesterday and it was cool. Also had some people over then. I can't say who or why. This is for the people who where there to know, and the others to find out. But eventually we will inform everyone about it. Hah.

I'm bored. So i'll stop for now, going to game for a while. Before i enter camp for a long long week.

Goodbye insanes.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

BACK HOME; 2030HR BOOK IN.

2007-04-13T15:05:00.000+08:00

I just came back from Beach Road. It was the hell raining heavily. I was drenched. DRENCHED!

So i met Ruz. At Jurong East Interchange. Passed her the Obscure Phionix tee she wanted. Hah. Her friend was kinda...afraid of me? Lol. It's ok, i've seen alot of people with that look when they see me.

Oh, i found this song back. Hah. Thanks to Sakinah. 3 years back.

Millionaires say
Got a big shot deal
And thrown it all away but
But I'm not too sure
How I'm supposed to feel
Or what I'm supposed to say
But I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
And I miss you love
Make room for the pray
'Cause I'm coming in
With what I wanna say but
It's gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate but...
I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people
Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss you love
I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back
It's just a fad
Part of the teen, teenage angst brigade and
I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people
Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss you love
Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss you love
I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back

I've nothing else to blog about. Read my last post if you haven't. Lol. See you insanes.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

THE TRUTH; OBSESSION.

2007-04-13T09:15:00.000+08:00

Day off. HAHAH. The drill squad got day off for being in third place. Cool eh. Now i'm at home blogging like there's no tomorrow. But i have to book in tonight. WTMF. I'm going to Beach Road later. Need to buy alot of fucking stuff for field camp. This saturday will be my last book out until 29th April. Outfield here we come. It's going to be a long and tiring six days. So wish me luck and grant me happiness. LOL.

I have an obsession. Yes, i do. With my music. Ouch. I think the music i make is shaping up my future. I know alot of people go to the extent of thinking that audios won't make up a good future. I think it will. With Singapore's changing, i know it's possible. Obscure Phionix have been making alot of plans. From organising to rooting up a studio. And we scheduled a recording session next month. Weeee. We're really taking this seriously. We uprooted this band, we cared for it, we endeavoured, we sacrificed and we will move on. With so much we've done, who's to abandon Obscure Phionix. I know that I - WILL NOT. People might think we are cool. Nope we're not. We're just people who just love music. A plus is that we can play instruments. In fact do you know a person who's html savvy, watches Japanese anime, listens to Visual Kei/J-Rock/J-Pop, reads Japanese manga, likes to sketch, gazes at stars, loves to take pictures/videos and does alot of graphic editing? That's me. GEEKY NERDY ME. I'm not cool. People just think i am. Until they find out the real me. It's true. I'm content i have a beastie like Ruz who don't see me as most people do. Thanks Ruz.

My past has not left me but it's at the back-end of my mind. Still, a small sharp pain is being felt in my guts. Fact: my migraine has gone up since that fateful day. True, my headaches are being felt more than six times in a week. But i'm more energetic. Good or bad? You decide.

My FAMILY - i love you.
My DEAREST OPX - i love you.
My BEASTIES - i love you.
My PAST - i STILL love you.
My FUTURE - i WILL love you.

So this is how bleak it is when i'm at home. I NEED TO GO OUT. HAHAH. Insanes, i'll take my leave.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

BLOG; EARLY IN THE MORNING.

2007-04-09T06:24:00.000+08:00

Re-cap. Saturday's jamming was super fun. Qader's brother came along and Zat of Shattered Skies too. I love the way we played The Black Dahlia Murder's Closed Casket Requiem that day. It was total awesomeness. What else would you expect from a metalhead like me? Oh yeah. Our original is 99/100 completed. Lol. Our time ran out just before we could finish the whole song. WTMF. Instrumentally challenging and mind-boggling. Wahah.

I'm booking in today. 0745 at SDC. Singapore Discovery Centre. WTMF. What do you think we are? Secondary school students? Heritage tour my ass. Counting down to POP: 8 weeks. The people i want to invite: My family, Man, Meow, Shah, Qader, Rynna, Ruz and Niq. Hah.

Well, i better go now. Oh, trip to VivoCity not achieved. NEXT WEEK BBQ AT DOWNTOWN EAST. Woots.

Take care insanes.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

LATE NIGHT; FILLED UP.

2007-04-07T12:38:00.000+08:00

Okay, so my siblings and myself went out at 11.30pm. Waited for Mama and Uncle Jazz. Then went off to Royal Plaza Hotel. =). We reached there at around 12.20am? Why were we there? LATE NIGHT SUPPER. Haha. We stayed there until around 2+am. I had my fill. I was full to the brim. For so long i've never been FULL TO THE BRIM. Erk.

Okay, i'm still wondering how and when Ruzzy is going to get her OPX tee. Lols. I think i have to find the loophole there. Hehs. Oh ya, i'm missing VivoCity. Don't know why. Maybe later will go there with the band.

Fiz will be following us later. Coolness. Said he's just booked out. The driver has a tight schedule. Lol. So i'll update again later. Cause i'm feeling for some gaming.

So insanes. Later.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

SKIN; FIRST EDITION TEES.

2007-04-06T22:49:00.000+08:00

Finally! Obscure Phionix has our own t-shirts. But we're still finding the right place to print tees. This one's okay but not that outstanding. So. Here's the pic.

link: CLICK HERE

So jamming today super fun. I was high on the music. I love Obscure Phionix. LOVE THEM. Haha. After jamming we walked from Bugis to Funan to have our late lunch at KFC. Then after that we went over to City Hall Court and had a hell of time camwhoring. It was crazy.

I can't blog much. Cause Mama's going to treat us supper at Holiday Inn. I think. Until tomorrow, insanes!

insanely yours,
Qhai.

GUARD DUTY; SESSION.

2007-04-05T23:09:00.000+08:00

Okay, so last week i booked out on saturday at 1030hrs. And booked in back at 2215hrs on the SAME day. WTMF. The reason is simple. 24hr guard duty. Did sentry duty. So fuck with my NS life. Get on with my real life.

On that same saturday, i went to meet Mama and Uncle Jazz at Royal Plaza Hotel. They had their class reunion there. And i heard that it was a success. Met up with Niq after a very long time. She too said she did not recognise me at first sight. Haha. Mom planned for us to eat at the buffet place at the lobby floor. But, it was packed. So Mama gave us cash and we ate at KFC over at Far East Plaza instead. It's been a long time since i ate KFC damned it. YUMMEH. After that we went into Far East Plaza cause Niq wanted to search for this punk attire shop. I also forgot where it was. It's been awhile since i stepped into Far East. After that i rushed back to the hotel whereas Niq went to meet her mom at Burger King. Then i went off to book in.

Jamming will be held tomorrow AND saturday. Woooo! Back to back jamming. I've no complaints cause i'll be booking in on monday at the Singapore Discovery Centre. Hahaha. Now the eastenders will know how the westsiders feel every book in!

I want to jam. BADLY. This song is suddenly running in my head. Introduced by Khair two years ago. LOL.

So you stole my heart
And left me a ransom letter
Demanding I treat you better
Should I ever want it back
And now I'm all alone
Dreams are all forgotten
Memories all turn rotten
It's not the same on the phone
So what's up, girl?
Things haven't changed a bit since we last met
I bet my bottom-dollar you're the best girl
That I ever had, I never want to lose you
So what's up?
I can't let you walk away
We planned to live forever
In each other's arms
So...
Please hold on
You know - no one can love you like I do
And that's the thing - you know it too
So what's up, girl?
Things haven't changed a bit since we last met
I bet my bottom-dollar you're the best girl
That I ever had, I never want to lose you
So what's up?
I hear our song - it keeps playing on the radio
I'm all alone - and i just want you to hold
I hear our song - it keeps playing on the radio
Please make your mind up - just see what the future holds
So what's up, girl?
Things haven't changed a bit since we last met
I bet my bottom-dollar you're the best girl
That I ever had, I never want to lose you
So what's up?
What's up?
What's up?

If you think this song is about you (whoever is reading this now). It's not cause this other song is in my head too. HAHA.

I began my ascent at minus zero
You made so sure of that
You tried to keep me down here
Your complacency has been your downfall
Nobody made you king of the world
And now I'm here to dethrone
So kiss the ring motherfucker
It's my time, my time to shine
Grasping for the straws as they fall
Maybe you can make a splint for your broken ego
For your broken ego
And I say thank you for the scars
With the guilt and the pain
Every tear I've never cried
Has sealed your fucking fate
Did you take me for, a fool
Or were you just too blind to see
That every effort made has failed
And there is no destroying me
Hate can be a positive emotion
When it forces you to better yourself
You built me, constructed my desire
Perfected my hatred
Now I'm driven to be ten times better than you think you are
Ten times better than you think you are
Piece by piece I've built my walls
And burned my bridges down
That lead back to people like you
So full of malice, so full of scorn
You tried your best to crush my spirit
You tried to steal my soul
You pushed my back against the wall
And I broke it down
I will not be broken
Though I am the one that bleeds
I will not be broken
I am the one
I will not be broken
Though I am the one that bleeds
I will not be broken
I am the one
I will not be broken
Though I am the one that bleeds
I will not be broken
I am the one
And I say thank you for the scars
With the guilt and the pain
Every tear I've never cried
Has sealed your fucking fate
Did you take me for, a fool
Or were you just too blind to see
That every effort made has failed
And there is no destroying me
There is no destroying me
No there is no destroying me

So insanes. Goodbye.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

OUTING; 3HOURS 40MINS.

2007-03-25T15:42:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, went to Esplanade with Faizal. Been a long time since i met him. Reached City Hall by 1530. Went over to Peninsula's Davis Guitars to get my usual DR Strings. Then walked around Esplanade had a few drinks. Faizal and i were bored, so we went to VivoCity. His first time there. Walked around, had a few looks at computer stuffs. Apple's new desktop got my attention. 24-inch screen, 250 GB SATA drive. Wow. Nice piece of equipment. Then we went back to Esplanade, sit down. Waited and waited for Tsue, Zul and Fiz. Then saw Ixe and Aydil. Followed them, haha. Then i approached them. Ixe said he didn't recognise me. Same for Aydil. They didn't believe it was me. Aydil was like "Qhai eh?" WTH. I'm still the same person guys, don't worry. Chilled. Hafiz reached. Then Tsue and Zul. Then after some heated things, we went home. Faizal, Fiz and i cocked in the train. Laughing all the way. Oh yah. I didn't realise a cute girl was looking at me til i got off. WTMF. Could've gotten her number. Reached home at 2330+.

Anyway, jamming was fun. Haha. Our latest original is almost complete. Yay. Wooooohoo. =).

Guess what? I'm tired. So bye.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

OUT; X-CORE DIE.

2007-03-24T12:59:00.000+08:00

I'm back! And congratulations Ruz for being the first one to say "hi" to me since i came back to Singapore. Haha. I'm not shagged but my whole body's aching. WTMF. I'm free, free, free, free, free. Hah. I'm not dragged down by that feeling anymore. And i'm single. Yay. I'm not saying my time with Shif was not memorable. But, i have never felt like this for soooooo fucking long! Haha. I'm fucking carefree.

Need i point out that the scene is being filled with x-core kids. Oh, death to them. I mean what to they want? Fame? Most of the usual people are in because of the music not fame. They want a name for themselves? Go commit a crime. Your name will be forever put in the police records.

Woooo. Going out later. Maybe will meet Mom at Orchard. After i go to Peninsula that is. I can't stay at home. I won't. NO WAY. Oh yeah. Tomorrow's OPX's jamming session. 9am in the morning, mind you. I need new strings for my Beast. Rusty strings turns to bloody fingers. Bloody fingers turns to a Qhai who can't shoot his M16 wife. Infantry!

Well, i'll get back to blogging after my day. Good day. =). Oh yeah, I MISS MY BEASTIES!

insanely yours,
Qhai.

MY FEARS; ARE PHOBIAS.

2007-03-18T14:03:00.000+08:00

Ok. So, no more getting to know psychos. It's fucking weird. Thanks Ruz and Obscure Phionix for helping me through. Oh THANK YOU ALL. =).

So this song is stuck in my brain. Check it out. As Blood Runs Black - My Fears Have Become Phobias. Superb song.

A mass suppression depressed by life unsure what he's to live for.
But then away came the better days when life opened its new doors.
Struggling for a way every day to live life not to fail but succeed.
Over coming on overwhelming load of power and greed.
Break the chains!
That grab ones soul!
Break These Chains!
That Take Control!
Break These Chains!
Wasting all that's left of a day, watching time just fly away on his own.
Dreams are surpassing him by, why not live life to its fullest and give it a try!
How much will does one simply have to conquer what he's become?
And how many others can say my fears have become phobias!
How much should one take for granted?
He's changed by life in order to see that he can succeed!
And how can you?
We'll Break The Chains!
We'll Break The Chains!
A mass suppression depressed by life unsure what he's to live for.
But then away came the better days when life opened its new doors.
Struggling for a way every day to live life not to fail but succeed!
Overcome!
I will believe!
I will believe!
I will believe!
I will succeed!

insanely yours,
Qhai.

I LOVE MY METAL; METAL MAKES ME MENTAL.

2007-03-16T21:56:00.000+08:00

In the words of Excrementory Grindfucker's I Like My Grindcore: I LOVE MY METAL. Haha. Tomorrow jamming. Lee Kwong Seng at 3.30pm. Finally! Back at Yishun. Can't wait to see Obscure Phionix and, if chance lets it, the other people of the metal scene. You see, metal has made me into a different person, i must admit. And the scene has granted me with the friends that i have. Cool-ness. I thank OPX for the benefits and rewards. Chapter Four has just begun guys. Stand proud and strong. Over time, it'll all pay off. Insyallah.

I have gotten my wake-up call. She's doing fine without me. I can't make it more obvious that she'll find someone she'll truely love. The Golden Age for us has passed. And i'll let go of it but will forever treasure it. My Darkened Age has begun. And i'm SURVIVING it. *evil grin*

I love me. I love me. I love me. How much insane can i get? Much more. You'll see. Demented am i.

Oh, how i miss my beloved beasties. Commonly known as Niq, Ruzzy, Adeq Ika, Fira, Khair and more. Particularly to the members of Shadows Embrace, Sounds Of Saviour and Death By Clowns. Hope i'll get to see some of them tomorrow. And speaking of beasties, Ruz just got online. Hah.

On my list of to do things: Get rid of the PSYCHO-FREAK!

insanely demented yours,
Qhai.

SHOOT ME DOWN; DEAD THOUGHTS.

2007-03-16T09:46:00.000+08:00

Oh, please someone take a god damned gun and kill me. I just had my knee strained during training. One thing good is, i can do one jumping chin-up. I emphasise on the word "jumping". I'm not the same person anymore. My thoughts, feelings, heart and lifestyle are changing. And with that, i'm afraid that the me now will fade away. No, i'll never abandon myself. This Hardcore Badass will NEVER go away. So, will people still accept me as i am? Or will they still stray away? Who knows. Does it look like i care? One word: NO. Okay, now Underoath's Moving For The Sake Of Motion is ringing in my head.

Expanding my social circle seems like a very hard thing to do. With NS and shit. I'd rather stay alone throughout my NS life and come out being a total loner. Still, i have my commitments to my beloved Obscure Phionix. Oh ya. RAVENOUS, RAVENOUS, RAVENOUS! Haha. Now Arch Enemy's Ravenous is ringing in my head. WTMF!

Oh please someone save me from a psycho. Anyone up for a challenge? In two, it dies. DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE!

The line is being drawn through my heart
And we're conceiving fires through our thoughts
And you're just like me
And You're just like me
This is everything I wanted to tell you
I'm still in love with everything about you
And I feel the wreckage from everything you do
And I'm tired of still waiting...
If I told you the truth now
Would you still leave and take my heart?
And I still feel ugly. You're ugly just like me
When I show you the truth now would you still leave?
Will you ever change? But I still feel empty
Will I always lose this game?
This is everything I've wanted to show you
I'm no longer scared of anything about you
I lived through the damage of the heart you took from me
And I'm tired of still wanting
If I told you the truth now
Would you still leave and take my heart?
And I still feel ugly. You're ugly just like me
When I show you the truth now would you still leave?
Will you ever change? But I still feel empty
Will I always lose this game?

insanely yours,
Qhai.

BRUISES; MOSHED.

2007-03-10T14:30:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night was outrageous. SAF Music & Drama Company came down for Recruits Night. Girls, girls, girls. The guys were going crazy just watching them. Haha. Music and dancing then a band came up. Feets up. They played Muse's Plug In Baby. WE MOSHED. It was crazy. Before that was games day. And of course, Eagle Coy didn't get first. But, what the hell, who cares? Our drill team received third place. Our neighbours, Falcon Coy, came in first in Drill Comp. All-in-all it was a great day. I'd like to say a farewell to 3SGT Kevin on his leave back to Guards Div.

What more can i say? I'm tired.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

FORGOTTEN; ANOTHER ME.

2007-03-02T22:46:00.000+08:00

Double entry per day. Wow. I must be really restless or something. Talking to Aini now. I guess i only have Obscure Phionix and the few i really trust. So thanks to National Service. 2 years of ruin and then what? I'm only left with the little i have. I've lost so many things. So many people over the years. I'm turning different. I guess.

"Oh, my god. I hate the me that i've become, this needy useless forgetting one".

Everything's except for Obscure Phionix is going haywire. No wonder i love them so much. They're keeping me in reality. I used to think that i was surrounded by people. Now i see that everyone's been wearing a mask. Oh, don't worry. I'm used to the feeling. History repeats itself. Demoralised? No, i am not. Everyone's gone.

"In the blink of an eye, like the shot of a gun, i've become the loneliest boy ever".

I'm crushed. Not by one person. By a whole lot of people.

"I never thought we'd make it out alive. It's all in your goodbyes".

So goodbye everyone. Miss me not.

"Everyone's just getting off".

insanely yours no longer,
Qhai.

STRESSED; DROPPING THE SOCIAL STATUS.

2007-03-02T16:20:00.000+08:00

I'm stressed. There are lots of things in my mind. I can't think properly. And my mind's been messed up since the beginning of this week. Argh. I'm taking this opportunity to apologise to the usual people i msg frequently, this week's training was tough. Especially the Drill Team Training. It's too draining and taking too much of my admin time. I only have at most 3 hours to rest and recuperate from all the training. And i sleep at least 30mins before lights out. So, forgive me. My feet are killing me.

I need to expand my social circle. Seriously. Shif's not messaging me anymore. So i take it she's moved on. I'm just another dead body to her. So there.

Next jamming on sunday at 9am. Bloody fuck. But who cares. A musician will sacrifice his time for his art. Thus, i shall sacrifice myself for Obscure Phionix. Live on.

VOICES IN MY HEAD, KEEP TALKING. YOU'RE ALL I HAVE LEFT.

And now, REST shall i.

Oh, my God. I hate the me that i've become, this needy useless forgetting one.

insanely yours and forgotten,
Qhai.

LAST MINUTE; CHANGE OF STYLE.

2007-02-25T16:37:00.000+08:00

Coalesce gig was great. It was boring at first but after Intrigued played it got better. I was surprised that during out set alot of people were standing and looking at us. My first shaven head performance and Qader's first. Reunited with Yazid, Faizal, Djas, Shafiee and Kak Aisah. A great gig in all. First steps to Obscure Phionix's future.

So, the day started with my main objective of getting a new pair of glasses. Told dad i could not come over and left with mama to Queensway Shopping Center to get those glasses and contacts. My degree went up. No surprises there.

So while waiting for those glasses to finish, mama and i went to VivoCity. Bought some doughnuts before heading to Secret Recipe for a late breakfast/lunch. While eating Irish Lamb Shank (magnifique), i sms-ed Ruz. Ask what she was doing. Guess what, she said she was heading over to VivoCity. So, we decided to "bump" into each other. As i was waiting for her to arrive. Mama and i checked out the wear at Samuel & Kevin. Since she said i needed a change of style, since my waist size dropped from 40 to 34!. No more baggy stuff, now grungy/metalhead/laid back statement going on. Got a greyish-blue windbreaker and a denim jacket. Coolness. After that, went to I.P.Zone (or is that LP.Zone?) Whatever. Got two long sleeved shirts. Thanks ma.

After that trip, went to Ben & Jerry's for some ice-cream. Yummeh. Expensive but delicious. Walked and walked. I told Ruz i won't leave until i've seen her. So i did. As i walked, saw her. Eyes met, smiles exchanged. She made my day with her smile. Thanks hun.

After that went back to Queensway Shopping Center to pickup the glasses and contacts. Went home. Folded my smart 4 uniform. And getting ready to go out. Oh, fuck NS. Ruined social status.

I love my beasties. =).

insanely yours,
Qhai.

LOST; NEVER FELT THIS FOR SO LONG.

2007-02-19T11:36:00.000+08:00

Yes, there seems to be a hole in me. I've never felt this kind of intense restlessness for so long. I want to go out and blow off some steam over the drama that's happened. But, no one is able to tag along. I've always wondered: I am the confidant to people, but who's out there for me to confide in. This is of course other than Mama and Uncle Jazz. A person who understands me, a person with the same beliefs as me, a person with the same enthusiasm in music as me and a person around my age range. No, this won't do. Complaining does not help. My problems are to be solved on my own by my own hands. Seven times i've gone through it and this will be the eighth. Stand upright. Stand strong, Qhairul Fadzlie. The strength of The Beast is in you. And thus, you shall be known as The Beast for as long as you live.

"My heart remains the same but my emptiness increases."

I reunited with my scenemates last Saturday after a great jamming session. Fiz was there as well. Shadows Embrace, Tsue, Ixe Mulysa, Joey Prince Isobelle, Aji Sounds Of Saviour, Fad Sounds Of Saviour, Siddique, Ihsan, DeeDee Someone Murdered Cupid, Dead Since 13 and others. Too many people to mention. Yet, these people are not the one so close to me. But, to see them once again was a delight. Somehow when i reached Gas Haus i was expecting people to come to me and greet me. The result was they did not even recognise me. Who would? Tanned skin, shaven head and baggy pants.

"Insanity, lunacy, broken hearts: they're all the same to me."

Emptiness. This is the feeling of emptiness. Like the sound of an empty fridge. It bothers me. Very much. I miss the time where a friend could follow me out. The time where i would hang out with the people i love. Those times are gone. As Ruz said, "NS is a life-ruiner." She was right. The evidence is all here.

"Where are you, my fallen angels?"

I shall post this image every time i blog until the time of the event comes.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

THE RETURN; OBSCURE PHIONIX IS BACK.

2007-02-17T22:29:00.000+08:00

OBSCURE PHIONIX RETURNS!

Obscure Phionix returns to the scene with a gig at Dover ITE, the place where the band was born. Coalesce Gig is an event for charity. So we hope YOU will come and support us. Welcoming our new bassist, Qader, into the band and the reformation of Obscure Phionix as a progressive-melodic-death-trash-core metal band. We're selling tickets at S$6.

COALESCE GIG.
Date: 24th February 2007.
Time: 5pm.
Venue: Dover ITE.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Obscure Phionix.

(taken from http://obscurephionix.blogspot.com)

AS LONG AS SHE'S HAPPY; I AM TOO.

2007-02-16T16:29:00.000+08:00

So our 16th month will be our last month together. As of 120207 @ 2210hrs, Shif and i are no longer attached. Don't ask me why, don't ask me what happened. Only she and i will know. So there. Let me end here. Enjoy the videos.

Atreyu
The Theft
He bends and he breaks
If you give they will take away
His passion, his pain, his grace
He exhales
A thousand black flowers explode
Into butterflies as they're away
Rip them out, take them
Burn to coals as they crush him
Leave nothing that resembles a soul of a man
(See him numb, see him crushed)
See him numb, see him crushed
Rip them out, take them
Burn to coals as they crush him
Leave nothing that resembles a soul of a man
(Leave him numb, leave him crushed)
Leave him numb, leave him crushed
Took the fire inside
One too many times
He's burning over and out now
He fails
Up against the raging tides
No more fights
Everything you ever wanted to see
See it in his eyes
One more time, one more time
Climb down to test the waters,
My hands feel like they're rusting away yeah
So I'll pace around like a lamb before the slaughter
I'll stay here as long as you let me
Decisions been made obvious so I will return
Where I started I'll stay there
Unfinished, I'll wither away
Rip them out, take them
Burn to coals as they crush him
Leave nothing that resembles a soul of a man
(See him numb, see him crushed)
See him numb, see him crushed
Rip them out, take them
Burn to coals as they crush him
Leave nothing that resembles a soul of a man
(Leave him numb, leave him crushed)
Leave him numb, leave him crushed

X-Japan
Unfinished
Oh, I'm looking at you, can't control myself
Nothing but pain for me
Wipe your tears, from your eyes
Just leave and forget me
No need to be hurt anymore
Go away from me now
I don't know, what is love?
No need to be hurt anymore
You said "I miss you so much."
Every night, thinking of you, and facing loneliness
But when you feel sadness, never can I stay with you
I'm not the one you need
Close your eyes and forget me
There's nothing I can do anymore
I've lost my way
I've been walking in the night of tears
There, I found someone was holding you
As the night was all falling down
With my love also vanished my vision of you
My heart is cold now
Wipe your tears, from your eyes
Just leave, and forget me
No need to be hurt, anymore
Everyday, thinking of you, and living in loneliness
But when you feel sadness, never can I stay with you
Go away from me now
I don't know, what is love?
No need to be hurt, anymore
Can't find my way

insanely yours,
Qhai.

ATT C; SICKNESS.

2007-02-09T09:05:00.000+08:00

I've been given the status Att C. Why? My temperature is 38.0c, my throat is red, my nose is blocked and my cough resembles a barking dog. So, i'm at home resting my ass off. And...i have to get onboard the fastcraft to Tekong at 7.30am. Oh, how quaint. That means i must wake up at 4.30am, take a taxi at 6am in order to reach on time. Any later, i'll be considered A.W.O.L. That will never happen. Grrt. My clean sheet record of not reporting sick is gone. If i didn't report sick, the guys will kick my ass. Haha. So much for bunkmates.

So, other than that. I guess there's not much to talk about. Oh yeah, last Sunday had jamming at Beats Merchant from 9am-11am. Then went to Beach Road to have lunch, then back to Bugis to meet Shif and meet the guys of Shadows Embrace, Dead Since 13 and Jennifer Deathwish for awhile. Well, rumours are Obscure Phionix are making a comback. Up to you to think about it. Hah.

Until next time.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

8 MORE HOURS TIL BOOK IN; THE IRONY.

2007-01-14T10:16:00.000+08:00

Damn. I didn't know booking out and in would be a fucking bore. But still, if i did not book out, i'll miss everyone. But still, when it's time to book in, i feel that i'd rather stay in Tekong and not book out at all. Oh well. That's that.

I'm tired. Dead tired.

I miss starting to miss alot of people more than the usual level. freakinlyMINE, Obscure Phionix, scenemates, Ruz, Ifah, Ika, Iqah, etc. Am i feeling ok? I guess not. NS, as Ruz said, is a life destroyer. Because of NS, i don't have as much time for freakinlyMINE as i used to have. Because of NS, Ruz has no one to confide to unless i booked out. Because of NS, i have less time for my family. Because of NS, i have less time for my bands. The irony.

I still wonder. Why some people are jealous of my mom? Is it cause she's pretty? Is it cause she has all the luck in the world? Or is it just cause she's determined to succeed in everything she set out to do? Oh well, i'll never understand. But i tell you what, i'm proud of her. Just because she's my mom. People might start asking if she's re-married. To find out, ask the people - Mama, Uncle Jazz, Umi, my siblings or myself. Thread on other people's life and they'll thread on yours. Watch out or we'll roll all over you.

Once again. Let me end here. Cause once again. I have no idea what to write about anymore. And once again. Thank you for reading. And for you who're out of your mind. Stay insane for my sake...and freakinlyMINE's sake, cause she's insane too. Wait, so's Ruz. Okay, am i insane to state this? Is lunacy the same as insanity? Haha. Hahahahaha. Watch this insane beast crap. Haha.

Ok, stop.

insanely yours plus love,
Qhai.

ANOTHER BOOK OUT; TIRED BADASS.

2007-01-12T21:44:00.000+08:00

Eagle Company Platoon 4 Section 1. That's my company, my platoon and my section. Today only 8 out of 12 of us in the section was lucky enough to book out today. The other four (Su, Fir, Sath and Henry) will only book out tomorrow at 1000hrs. Why? RT. Remedial Training. What is that? Sit in the bunk the whole day and look at each others faces. Haha. Oh well. Oh, here are the names of my section starting from Bed 1 to Bed 12 - Henry, Kaden, Yan, Sath, Oji, Black, Fir, Andrew, Su, Myself, Olie and Tam.

Ok, so BMT is tough. Getting more tiresome through the days. But enough to cope. Training to be soldiers. "Do not give up," so says Ruz. No, i won't give up. Why? I do not want to be OOT. Out Of Training. In which i will have to retake my 6 months of training with the next batch. NO WAY. Will never happen.

My section used to sleep together in the center of the bunk everynight. With the addition of Arep from Section 3. But now we sleep buddy to buddy. Haha. Most of the malay dudes in our platoon click with each other except for some outcasts. I think. Well. Some people hate some people. But what can we do? We're going to be stuck by each other's side for 6 months. Bear with it. Pass out. And leave for the Units.

Oh, Falcon Company just enlisted today. PES A & B Enhanced Batch. 9 weeks of BMT. What The Mother F***!

Shif says i'm getting hotter. I know i'm getting darker. Darker, yes. Hotter, not a chance. Hehe.

Eh. Those who hold my number. SMS me during my time at camp. Puh-lease. With sugars on top, caramel and icing.

Okay, i'll stop here for today.

freakinlyMINE - I love you. Happy 15th Month. =).

insanely yours + love,
Qhai.

WHAT'S LEFT; CHANGED IN NS.

2007-01-01T23:36:00.000+08:00

link: http://img230.imageshack.us/img230/1627/shavenhead002ey3.jpg

link: http://img239.imageshack.us/img239/8717/shavenhead001bb1.jpg

Yep, that's me alright. Full-time National Serviceman. Who cares eh? Training's tough. But the lot of us can take it. Met new people. And old ones. Can't say much. Cause i'm freaking tired.

A message to all:
Since i started NS, things haven't been the same. But remember this - i will always be the guidance, the friendship and the chain that keeps everyone together. I'm still here. I'm still smiling. And i still love.

insanely yours,
love,
Qhai.

BEFORE; AFTER EFFECT.

2006-12-09T00:04:00.000+08:00

want to see the before and after of my holy hair? haha. here it is. for the enjoyment of everyone i know.

BEFORE

url: http://img120.imageshack.us/img120/6381/pictures08122006008vm3.jpg

AND AFTER

url: http://img476.imageshack.us/img476/8996/picturesvivovz9.jpg

ok there. so until i book out. goodbye.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

EVE; LAST NIGHT FOR ME.

2006-12-08T10:03:00.000+08:00

My last days of teenhood. Enter my days of adulthood. They say National Service will change every male. I'm going to find out soon. Very soon. I'm going to miss everyone. My family, my band, my scenemates and my trusted friends. I expect most of them so sms me. SO DO IT. Haha. I'm going leave home at 8am tomorrow. Somewhere there i guess. Need to reach Pasir Ris before 10am to get to the bus service that'll take me to Tekong Jetty. Oh well, there will be somekind of talk or whatever over there.

I'm going to meet the band tonight. At Vivo City. Somehow i get the chills that they're going to sabotage me or something. I'm seriously going to miss the band a whole lot. We've put our sweat and blood into this band and i won't sure as hell back out from the brotherhood of Obscure Phionix. They're the best thing that happened to me and i'm going to keep them. Currently at the fourth chapter of our books. And we're almost 2 years old. How cool is that?

I'm going to have to say goodbye to my holy hair. After more than 6 months i've kept it. It's already at the length of my shoulders. My holy beard will be gone too. And i had to go into NS just as i gotten the Final Fantasy XII game.

To my family: I'm going to miss everyone. I love you no matter how messed up things can get. Haha.

To freakinlyMINE: I'm going to miss you. Very much. I hope that my ring will be around your neck always. I love you. Don't go do anything bad, ok.

To Obscure Phionix: Man, Meow, Shah. My second family. I'm going to think of the three of you everyday. The thoughts of the sounds of the music we've made will keep me insane. OPX, take care of yourself. Keep rocking. We'll be back in the scene soon. Don't ever give up on the dreams we've shared together.

To Death By Clowns: Guys, continue jamming alright. I'm just not going to be there. It doesn't mean the DBC is going to grow apart. You all have your own time. Do what's best for DBC.

To my scenemates: I'm going to miss all of you. The family bands - Shadows Embrace, Dead Since 13, Sounds Of Saviour, Someone Murdered Cupid, 2Eleven. Plus the other bands - Prince Isobelle, A Stale Melodrama, Sanity Blur, Every Rage I Seek, Jennifer Deathwish, Mulysa, this list can go on and on. Keep rocking. Forget me not.

To my brothers: Hafiz, Yazid, Khair. Good luck in whatever you do. I'm sure things will turn out just fine. Memories of me will be in you, yes? Haha.

To my besties: Aniqah, Ruz. Take care of yourself. Promise me that you'll sms me once in a while ok. I'll always have you in my memories.

To the rest of you: Remember me. I will always remember all of you. No matter what.

I won't know what will happen to me in NS. So i hope all of you will be praying for me as i am praying for you. Love you all.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

5 DAYS LEFT; MY LAST SERENADE.

2006-12-04T10:22:00.000+08:00

before i start posting my crap. here's one entry all of you should read.

taken from freakinlyMINE's blog (constraintswithin.blogspot.com):

"

(Before you read this,just bear in mind that I typed this post while sobbing..)
And yes,this might shock you guys.Whenever I think of the situation that Im in right now,I just feel it isnt right. It feels shitty and stuff.
After having spent almost a year and two months with the boyfriend,I am stuck with another guy.It stinks,it seriously does.After having spent a blissful time with him,suddenly someone just comes to me,literally that is.Oh my God!Can somebody tell me what to do?Please.I love Qhai and all,but i just cant seem to let go of HIM.Yes,the mysterious guy whom I will classify as superbly cute with that voice that makes me shiver each time I speak to him on the phone.
I just cannot let go of him.I think of him at every single moment.Crush or fling?URGH.IM DEAD MEAT.It seems unfair to Qhai.He loves me,a lot.And by falling for someone just doesnt seem right you know?

Shiffa,do you know that you're putting yourself in a warzone?And the ball is is your court.You have to do something about it.

I told myself before,I'd never risk getting into a relationship anymore.Why?Because Im scared of the occurence of another Love Triangle.It just sucks you know.Qhai knows about it.And he,is dead sad.Shattered.I love Qhai.So much.And i cant bear to see him all sad and unhappy,afterall we've been through.Yet,i just couldnt let go of the other guy.

Qhai told me,if i were to like someone else,its up to me to make my own decision.I am not his wife and I am free to make my own decisions.Yes,he will be sad and angry,yet,he has to respect my decision.And his reason is because,he loves me.I broke down when he said that.And I still am now.He told me,NS will be another reason which might lead to our break up.With him tired and cranky,its possible for us to have a fight.That is understandable though.However,there is another thing that he said.
*Conversation of what Qhai said last Night during our phone call -
"Sayang,if we were to break up,and you want to come back to me.I'll always welcome you with open arms." He said it so soft and gently,yet again,i broke down.Those are the exact words that he said.

Oh God,help me.Am I always destined to go through this each time Im in a relationship?I feel sad.Very sad.

I guess,I'll just let time decide it for me.But please,tell me what I should do.Its draining me out,emotionally.

"

So to all of you who thinks my life is a smooth ride. You must be joking. I learnt one thing in my life is not to show sadness or anger in front of anyone. You do that and you'll affect EVERYONE around you. Trust me. This happens alot. Smile, smile, smile always.

Now, the highlight. Christmas Core. The gig was great i tell you. Putting aside the hiccups we got on stage, overall performance ended with positive comments from scenemates and fans. I was glad all of them liked our Original. All the bands were great. This is our last gig with Hafiz and our last gig of the year. We're still searching for a new bassist. Auditions starting end of December. We'll be performing again most probably June next year. After my POP, i guess. Christmas Core was my last serenade for all of you until June.

I going to miss everyone. Be sure of that. Remember me well. I will face the worst of every Singaporean male's life. National Service. I love all of you.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Soon to be NS-man.

8 DAYS COMING; DAY OF THE INEVITABLE.

2006-12-01T10:30:00.000+08:00

Today's the first of december. Next saturday, i'll be at Tekong marching. The day of the inevitable is coming. Of course, i'll not be going alone. Tekong will be filled with familiar faces like Faizal, Hafiz and Joes. What i hope is not having the same platoon as them! It'll be chaos. National Service will bring about the tests of everlasting brotherhood and friendships. I'll be without any of the people i know now for a while. The fears of NS, will come with life lessons.

Tonight will be the last gig of the year for Obscure Phionix. Due to my NS, we will not be performing until June next year. Also, tonight, Hafiz will be leaving the band to concentrate on his career and family life. Obscure Phionix's history has been a rough one. From the struggles of starting frm scratch, to the leaving of Yazid and now, the leaving of Hafiz. We will be searching for a new bassist. And now OPX (Obscure Phionix in short) have chosen to be a progressive/melodic/death/trash/core metal band. Our skills will be tested. And improved.

I have to say, i've made lots of friends at Habbo. As Ruz, Ifah, Adeq Ika, Irah, Fizz, Era, Maz and Appey. And most of them listen to a little bit of metal.

True that the metal industry is rising in Singapore. But does this means the posuers will be taking most of the metal community? No. We know where the true metalheads are. We know where to find them. Label me not. I just love metal more than other genres.

To all:
Forget me not,
For i'll only be gone shortly,
The last night for us,
Will not taint our friendships,
Shall you turn your back on me,
Will i ask in turn,
"Are you my friend or are you my enemy?",
Shall you answer "friend",
For then i will take your hand,
And bring you to a safer place,
Where our friendships will be sealed forever.

freakinlyMINE, i love you.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

BASSIST WANTED; FOR OBSCURE PHIONIX.

2006-11-27T10:39:00.000+08:00

This coming 1st of December will be Obscure Phionix's last gig of the year and our current bassist, Hafiz's, last ever gig with us. He's leaving due to personal reasons. So we will be holding auditions for his position.

Taken from SOFT.sg:

hi,

we're a 5-piece band playing progressive/melodic/death/trash metal with a little bit of core. we're looking for a bassist who is into this kind of genre for audition. we currently have an original in our list. if you make the cut, we promise you that there will be more originals to come as well as more gig opportunities.

criteria we're looking for: good attitude, open to suggestions, skillful playing, willingness to explore other genres, commitment and ability to communicate with our with the whole band especially with our drummer. it will be a plus if you do not think by the book.

our influences: The Black Dahlia Murder, Atreyu, Arch Enemy, Caliban, Darkest Hour, Thrice, Trivium, In Flames, Job For A Cowboy, Catherine, Killswitch Engage, Nightrage, Behemoth, Between The Buried And Me, Poison The Well, Morbid Angel, Cradle Of Filth, Dead To Fall, Sick Of It All and more. We will open up to more influences.

our gig experience:

Ascension 2: The Second Round
Aggression Please 2006
Metalgods 2006 Part 4
Mosh Pit Volume 1
Punkrock VS Metal 2006
Hellihilation
Emolition
Mosh
Sessions!05
Dover Mini-Gig
First Step 2005
Fuxion 2005
Singapore Street Festival 2005

thanks for your time.

contact us: Man @ 93360274 / Qhai @ 90893401

Obscure Phionix.

So if anyone out there is interested please inform us through these numbers. Thanks. We'll get back to anyone out there as soon as possible.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

OPEN YOUR EYES; SMILE UNBURDENLY.

2006-11-22T10:28:00.000+08:00

Have you had the feeling that you are a loner, Being betrayed by all the people you used to trust? In the US they have preps, rockers, jocks, nerds and so on. In Singapore, we have the ever popular kids and the loners within them. And this all happens during Secondary life or even ITE life. Do you really think you're a loner?

No. Look around you. You are blessed in a different way than them. You have your family (this being your father, your mother, your brothers/sisters - not cousins and so on). They are there to support you in whatever you do. If you have a mother as cool as i have you would understand. If you complain about friends, you do have them. Your outside friends. The people who you always hangout with. For example - my scenemates/bandmates and i. And i always treat my band as family. I have this blessing of having a cool mom and great bandmates that care. You are leading your own life. Don't let other people show you the way. Mistakes that you've made can be corrected and forgiven. You'll learn not to repeat the same mistakes again. Hey, any of you have a problem, just give me a ring. I can be a good listener and may give you some advice that i got from various sources. Hee. XD. So, open your eyes to your surroundings, and smile (without that "i-hate-smile" or forced smile).

I think i've made a good choice of being in this band, Obscure Phionix. I've spent two years with Man learning, pushing and taking this band up. But it's not just us, it's the whole band. With the addition of Shah, our spirits have been lifted to the current peak. We're not perfect. We're not popular. We're just trying to get by.

Hey, anyway, i have no other idea what i should post anymore. So, you loners like i was. Smile. Think differently.

insanely yours,
Qhai.